


Sweet dreams are made of these.

by Lady_Fenikkusu



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Loss of Trust, Not Beta Read, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-07-23 00:35:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7459728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Fenikkusu/pseuds/Lady_Fenikkusu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You are a trained killer. They made you this way to protect and serve your country and you did, you worked in the shadows and in the light you made your home safe... until it was all taken away from you. Now you are with Overwatch, you answered the call from Winston and You have built up walls to keep everyone out now you are the last, but it seems some people don't want you to be alone.<br/>Can you learn to let someone close with help from someone who understands and a persistent Cowboy? or will the training that made you a killer be reason enough for everyone to mistrust you?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You.

**Author's Note:**

> {~ text ~} dream scape  
> ~ text ~ Com/phone talk.
> 
> A HUGE thank you to QueenDarkMuffin she drew this image for the character in this story. https://queendarkmuffin.tumblr.com/post/147938403209/im-kinda-poor-at-drawing-but-i-thought-it-was

Chapter One.

No one had asked you for your account of the mission, but you made sure to type it up and sent it to Winston just to make sure he had it. 

Master would have liked that. 

You went to the kitchen made yourself a sandwich for your dinner before heading to your room and set to work on a backup report for the one you just sent to Winston, just to be sure. You plan on going to the range to practice your aim and then shower when it gets quieter but right now it’s just too loud outside, what with everyone else so busy with their own day to day lives now that Overwatch is slowly getting back together.

There was another reason you weren’t going out to socialize with everyone, you could feel the questioning looks from Solider 76, Reinhardt and even from Mercy, looks that you knew were not curious or the usual ogling men did or the look of a worried doctor.

They didn’t trust you. And why should they? You were trained to kill. Trained to do what so few were willing to do. You can hide from almost all of them in plain sight, the perfect ability for an Infiltrator. Infiltration was your job, the job given to you by your Master, get in to the ranks of the enemy, gather information and get out. Not even Blackwatch trusted you and they had employed your services more than anyone.

Those days were gone now but after the Recall came in you had made sure not to give them reason to question you, you stayed away from the team leaving your room only to attend meetings, missions, or to get yourself a meal or go to the shooting range and showers. They can’t accuse you of spying if you aren’t around to gather information, or listen to the base gossip. At least that was your hope, it seems no matter what you do, the fact you can kill them all with one swift tug of their heads or a knife to the throat seems to make everyone doubt you.

Let them whisper.

Let them talk like you aren’t there and think the worst of you.

It wasn’t important what they thought of you. The only person you wanted to impress was dead now.

You finish your paragraph and hit save before shutting down the computer and head for the shooting range with your pistol. 

You needed to vent.

~~~

You’ve been shooting for a while not bothering to check where your score is, you have asked Athena not to tell you if you do break your old one and it has been nice, just you and the targets, shots going off without hearing people question if you were cheating or if you were just showing off as you load another clip into your pistol to fire.

“You tryin’ to break a score?”

Then again.

“No I am not.” You answer, ignoring Jesse McCree as he leans against the side of the stall next to you, watching you fire on the targets.

The silence doesn’t last, it never did with McCree, he always had a reason to come and ruin the peacefulness you find. “You’ve been in here a while?”

“Athena, how long have I been in here?” you ask.

The computer at the end of the stalls takes a moment to answer. “Three hours and twenty minutes.” 

McCree whistled, “Long time.”

“What do you want McCree? And don’t lie.” You ask knowing he never checks on you without reason. 

“Hey, I’m just trying to be nice.” He says holding his hands up, though the look on his face is that of a man caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

“Leave.” You say. “I’m done for the night Athena, thank you.” You add while heading to your room, hearing McCree follow you even though his room is the other way.

“Look, I’m not trying to check on you-” he says.

“Then go away.” You cut him off stepping into your room and put your weapon away under lock code and then under your bed out of the way. “I do not need babysitting, nor do I want a friend who smokes like a damn chimney.” You add removing your hair band and removing your jacket and boots, socks and the plated guard from your shins and arms, placing them on the table for the morning along with a clean set of clothes.

“Hey, I am not that bad.” McCree says, “And really it just seems a damn shame you don’t spend time with everyone.” He adds. 

“I don’t spend time with everyone because no one wants to talk suddenly when I enter a room.” You state with a low huff, taking your towel, night robe and wash bag from their place by the door and heading for the shower room. “Or maybe it because they all think I might suddenly turn on a battle field and shoot them all like some twisted psychopathic killer.” You add before McCree sighed and stays at the door to the shower room as you go in and head for the furthest stall.

You leave your vest on while you shower, more to avoid the stares if anyone else were to walk in.

You shouldn’t snap at McCree, really it’s not his fault everyone else suspects you of being a spy or worse. He was the only one from the past that didn’t make a habit of talking bad about you and he had been at least a little more accepting of you in Blackwatch. A little, not enough to be considered a friend or ally back in those days. 

Friends did not matter. No one outside the unit mattered. The Master allowed people in and the Master kept people out. You only obey the Master. 

You shake your head. This was meant to be a new start to Overwatch and admittedly, McCree had matured since those days with Blackwatch and while he still smoked like a damn chimney and hardly ever spoke to you unless trying to check in on you as he had done just now, you know he’s only doing it because he, just like everyone else from the old days of Overwatch, is trying to break through the shell to see who you are underneath. 

“Look…” McCree says and you are glad that you are wrapped in a towel and night robe to hide the marks he has no right to see. “I’m not trying to snoop in your business, but maybe if you spend time outside your room, folks might be more accepting of you?” he offers.

“Not gonna happen. Now will you piss off? I want to sleep in peace.” You say as you shut and lock your door. 

~~~

You know Solider 76 is watching you, even though his visor is dark and his head is down, you can feel his eyes on you as you sit by the window, ignoring everyone else while you listen to Winston giving a mission brief.

Escort a payload.

Lovely.

Just what you enjoy doing, sitting on a moving target while getting shot at.

“You seem uninterested.”

“Escort payload from point A to point B, don’t die and don’t kill anyone on this team. Seems rather basic.” You answer to accusing tone from behind you. “Just because I am not sat at the table with you doesn’t mean I can’t hear what you are saying.” You add.

“Leave her be, Morrison.” The Good Doctor says though there is a tone to her voice.

“We do not need her.” Solider 76 stats as you land at the base in Hanamura. “We have enough members to do this job without her.”

You look back towards them, Solider 76 aka Jack Morrison, Reinhardt Wilhelm, Mercy aka Angela Ziegler, Winston and McCree, though McCree is trying to say otherwise you shrug and get your stuff from the rack. “If that’s the case, you can go do this mission alone and I will go sightseeing.” And before anyone can tell you otherwise, you leave them, shouldering your carry bag and taking your suitcase with you, removing your comm piece from your ear and dropping it to the floor so they have no way to contact you if they do run into trouble.

“Now just a minute! You can’t just walk off!”

“Why not? You don’t need me, as the dear old man says, why should I stay?” you ask as Winston tries to find a reason to have you stay. “Go play heroes. Save the day and when the jobs done, go find a nice bar and drink yourself into stupidity. I’ll be in a hotel.” And before Winston or anyone else can stop you, you leave. 

Let them do this without you. You’ve had enough. Enough of the mistrust and glares, you’ve had enough of pretending that you just don’t care what they do now. You have no need for them and they apparently have no need for you.

So let them go off and play heroes and if it all falls through you can sit and say Solider is wrong.

You check yourself into a hotel and for a few hours you sleep, ignoring the calls to your private cell phone and the knocks on your door that can only be Angela and McCree trying to talk to you.

Fuck them.

You didn’t want to talk to anyone, or even have to listen to them lie and sugar the situation up just to have them glaring and doubting you if you go back to them only to be left behind for the mission and told to ‘protect the base’.

You leave the hotel after an hour of silence and head straight for the market place, having seen a flyer to show the market was on today and knew it was the best place to find out what was going to be happening for the next few days. The market place is busy with tourists and locals all rushing and racing to buy everything they needed while you took your time, enjoying a slow and leisurely walk between the stalls, smiling as some venders held up beautiful jewellery and hair bands for everyone to see, enjoying the noise and many smells and colours that were so vibrant.

You don’t know how long you spend there and really you don’t care, it’s just nice to be around people and not be judged. Eventually you wonder down the quieter streets, enjoying the warm breeze and soft smell of the cherry blossoms as you walk around without real purpose or destination until you end up back at your hotel late in the afternoon, leaning against the rail of the balcony watching the sun slowly set. 

You know there is someone watching you, but you do not care.

Let them watch, you were going to enjoy the time in Hanamura by yourself without going anywhere near the Overwatch base or where the Payload was being prepared, you won’t give them a reason to blame failure on you. You watch the sun set and after a hot shower you prepare for bed and deliberately leave the curtains open as you turn the TV on, finding a quiet music channel and lay down, waiting for sleep to find you.

You got up after your phone began to ring again and yanked the battery out. Before stuffing them into a draw and returning to bed.

~~~

{~ Bright lights. No focus. No time to think. “Attention boy and girls. I will say this once and once only. As of this moment you are all considered test subjects, the training you will undergo will push you to your limits. It will break you. It will make you cry. It will make you feel like Hell is a god damn paradise. But most of all, it will make you walking weapons.-” 

Something hard and unforgiving hits you across the face. A sharp pain cut down your back. Someone holds you under icy cold water. Your lungs screaming for air. Pain. Pain everywhere. Lack of air. No escape. No running. No help.

“-You will not have a choice but to fight if you wish to live and only once you have proven you can survive the harshest of torture and survive in a world where the law is kill or be killed, will I allow those who have been trained before you to come and chose you from the scraps and then, then the real hell begins. You will be trained to be the best of the best in the business or you will prove too weak for the job.” 

Fight. Swing your fists only when you have the opening. No holding back. Fight to survive. Don’t let them knock you out. Fight them and prove you aren’t weak. Fight! Fight to stay alive and fight to prove you can do this. 

They capture you alone, the last they say. They tie you up tight and blind fold you, they can’t gag you, you’ve bitten too many of them for them to try it so instead they shove you into a tight, uncomfortable box and seal you in. You stay there for so long, so long that your body starts to weaken, your mind hazes with hunger and the need for sustenance.

You are grabbed from above and yanked from your small prison, the blind fold and ropes around your wrists and ankles make it impossible to tell where you are or even what position you were in before they pulled you out, all you know is you are out now and that someone is trying to move you. You are too weak to fight the strong arms that hold you, but you still try, biting hard into the fingers of the hand that came too close. 

“You will fight each other. Fight your trainers. You will be trained to put your emptions behind you when in the field and you will be trained to ignore everything but the orders of your chosen Unit Commanders. Code named Masters.”

A soft touch to your face and a cool soothing hush fills your mind. The blind fold it ripped from your eyes and the woman holding you smiles. She is a Master. She has chosen you. 

Your Master is kind. A woman with skills far beyond yours, she had the same training behind her as you but she has completed it. She welcomes you and five others to her camp, she teaches you how to speak many languages, how to read them and write them. She teaches you how to out think the trainers that have tortured you for the last god knows how long. She feeds you and tends you. She gets you back to strength and she gives you all a sense of order and belonging. 

She asks your loyalty and you give it.

You are allowed to keep a diary. A black hard back book given to you by the Master of your unit. You used it more as a means to keep track of your medication and the pain killers you take, how long your body aches or is sore, the length of time it takes you to heal. 

“You will obey only the Master of your group, as the training continued you will find your place. If you survive that long.”

Run. Jump the pit traps and climb the walls, get ahead of the trainers and beat them to the Capture zone, don’t let them grab you. If they grab you fight them off, do what you must to get free, even if that means you have to fight dirty.

Catch your team mate before he hits the ground. Drag him out of the line of fire and shield him. Toss the grenade and carry him with you. Get him out of the danger zone and to the Master. 

“This is not a game. You will be taught how to be alone and how to be a unit. You will live and breathe the same air as the unit you live with. You Master is your only commander and they answer to me. If I say you go, they will cast you out. Know this. Once you step into my house. You can’t leave with my say so.” 

You stand before the Commander as he places a pin on your uniform, and then offers you a new Diary, the same as your old one, but much bigger. He knows your old one is getting full.

“Welcome to the Special Infiltration Squadron.” 

Screams. Screams and the smell of blood.

Everyone dead. Everyone gone.

Taken in an explosion of fire and ash. That horrid sound! They terrible screaming sound. The screams of your Master and comrade dying as He holds you back. He stops you going to them! He stops you saving them! He makes you weak!

The screams slowly fade into the fire, the dying breaths of your unit and Master and you hear yourself howling like sun savage animal.

You curse him. Damning him to the deepest more unholy places of hell in your native tongue. You curse him. ~}

~~~

You know there is someone in your room when you wake up the following morning. You can hear the soft humming of their body as they stand on the balcony.

It’s not an Omnic, they don’t hum. That left only one person.

“Ohayō Shimada Genji.” You say not bothering to open your eyes.

“How did you know it was me?” he asks and you hear the soft creek of your bed as Genji steps up and balances on the edge of the foot board.

“Omnics don’t hum unless on life support or in a deep state of meditation and McCree would be sat in the kitchen, Solider would have shot me. Winston smells like banana and peanut butter, Mercy wouldn’t be caught dead near me, Tracer would be tapping her fingers or foot and Reinhardt won’t fit in here.” You state and stretch out slowly in the bed. 

“So I hum, do I?” He asks and you can hear the smile in his voice.

“Yes.” You say as a matter of fact and open your eyes watching him slowly walk along the end of your bed as if he were on a tight-rope. “Soft hum, like the sound made by a humming bird at a distance.” 

“Sounds nice to you then?” He asks, pausing as you change the music channel to the morning news. “Good weather for the rest of the week and a whole lot of festivals to come.” He states.

“Many things sound nice to me, I just don’t tell everyone about them.” You admit, sitting up in bed, not minding that Genji can see the scars and marks that forever mark your body.

He had scars worse than your own and you respect him for that. Scars were something the Master had respected. A sign of true determination to live she’d called them.

“Will you ever tell me how you got those scars?” he asks.

“Maybe, if you will one day spar with me without your mask on.” You say and he shakes his head slowly.

It is not that you don’t know what he looks like, but you feel it unfair that he hides those scars, they would have been welcomed by your master and she would have told him as you often do that he should not hide them.

“I don’t know when that will be.” He says. 

“You will know when you are ready.” You say “Now turn around so I can get dressed.” You add and Genji steps off the end of the bed and heads to the kitchen, likely to give you more privacy while you dress.

You respect him for that. He does not know about the way you were trained but he seems to understand that you will talk to those who respect your desire to have privacy and not have questions about your loyalty thrown around like school gossip just because you chose to stay away from others. 

“I got an interesting call from McCree-san last night.” He says after a while.

“And you came to check on me?” you ask with a knowing smile.

“He worries for you. Even if he doesn’t understand you or your ways he understands that you were hurt by what happened.” Genji says and you see his shadow move in the kitchen, the swift flick of his wrist and out pop the throwing stars. 

“Reinhardt had no right to hold me back.” You state forcing the desire to shed tears away, focusing on the anger toward the old man for his interference. “And McCree worries for someone he does not know. I am not a child and I do not need his fussing.” 

“He cares for you.” Genji states and it triggers an old nerve in you so old that you answer it automatically.

“I am a trained killer, S.I.S unit one. I answer only to my Master and I serve my country. I do not need outsiders to care for me.” You say and instantly you stop, stiffening and clenching your fists so tightly the tips of your nails cut your palm.

You feel nothing. Caught up in the memory of the country you served burning and ruined.

“You were S.I.S Unit one.” Genji says softly bringing you out of that memory. “You answered to your Master and severed your country, but you were also there to see your country fall to the Omnic Crisis. You are no longer bound to them, the S.I.S was disbanded after the incident.” He reminds and you feel his hand touch your bleeding one. “It is not shameful or wrong to let someone close again.”

“I don’t know how.” You say and it’s the truth. “They made me a killer. A walking weapon to serve my people and land. A solider who felt nothing for anyone outside the unit… They didn’t teach us how to go back to living normal lives… it has been hard to adjust to the outside world again.”

“So you live like this? No friends or family?” he asks.

“I do not need friends.” You state and Genji sighs softly.


	2. A glimpse of the past

Chapter two.

 

They lost the payload.

You hear no end of it from Winston how you would have been a needed aid over the phone Genji had so kindly put the battery back into for you.

“And you wish to blame me for the loss? Solider 76 said you could do it without me so I left. If you failed then the fault lies with him.” You state while holding the phone between your shoulder and ear, using your hands to pay for a small charm from the vender.

~ “You should still have been here, you were chosen to join this mission to stop this happening.” ~ Winston says sounding like he hasn’t slept.

“I was chosen because Solider, the Doctor and the old Knight do not trust me to be left alone with children.” You correct hearing the unmistakable sounds of the named people in the back ground of the call. “Do not think I don’t know they see me as a threat because of the training I have. And do not think I am unaware of how they view me.” You add.

~ “Please, come back. We cannot do this with so few numbers.” ~ Winston says.

“And why should I come back? You do not trust me. They do not trust me, even the children don’t trust me. And given the way Athena has been setting up new training situations I doubt you will need me much longer.” You state and you can hear him sighing, likely rubbing his eyes. “I see no reason to stay when you have those more trustworthy and clearly liked who can take my place on the way.”

~ “We need as many as you can find.” ~ Winston states firmly and goes on to say. ~ “Overwatch needs you. No matter your history or ability you worked with us before. I don’t know why Solider 76 has issues with you. But I do know that McCree, Genji and Tracer have vouched for you. And if they trust you I would be wrong to let you walk away.” ~

You huff softly, vouching for you meant they claimed some responsibility for you, your Master had always vouched for you and your unit and it was that vouch that kept you on the job. “McCree vouches because he thinks I need a friend.” You say, though you know you cannot turn your back on a Vouch. “But if they have truly vouched for me, then I will come back…”

~ “Thank you.” ~ Winston sighs in relief and he sounds genuine in his words. ~ “We shall wait for your return before we leave.” ~

“Very well.” You say before shutting the phone off.

~~~

Genji and his Mentor sit near you during the flight back, though you chose to ignore the glaring eyes that still watch you as you carefully attach the newly bough charm to a small chain alongside others, each one oddly shaped and unique, each making a slightly different sound as they gently clicked together.

You’d hang them in your room later, along with half a dozen others that you have already collected. You won’t tell anyone why you buy the charms, though you have a feeling Genji already knows why. 

They are pleasing to you, the sounds they make, their unique shapes and designs and also the way that the light dances off them, it helps to calm you during those days when you have not been able to block out the accusations as much or days when memories became too much, but for now, you carefully wrap the chain and charms in a soft cloth and place them in your pocket for safety. 

You hear the tell-tale clicks of McCree’s boots and turn away from him before he can even speak, instead focusing on the view out the window. You are in no mood to speak with him or anyone else right now.

“Do you mind if I sit with you?” he asks and you ignore him, the seat is empty and you know he will sit there even if you tell him no and ask him to leave you alone. He sits after five long minutes without an answer, though he doesn’t ask any questions and for once, is silent throughout the trip.

After the ship lands, you leave before debrief, you don’t need to be there to know what is going to be said and you have no reason to be there as you did not partake in the mission so instead you go to your room and hang the new charm chain in place beside the others, smiling somewhat as the new charms catch and cast the light from the window into odd but beautiful patterns along the far wall and parts of the ceiling. 

It is pleasing.

“Not much of a room.” A woman’s voice states behind you and you turn to see a familiar face framed by a head of pink hair. “But then again, you’re training did not allow for personality. Did it?”

“S.I.S did not see personality as a killing skill.” You shake your head. “I do not need you to remind me of what I lack, or that my room is baron of personality, Aleksandra Zaryanova. Russian Defense Forces from Krasnoyarsk Front.” You say and the woman give you a look. “You’re reputation proceeded you and you are the only woman I know of that has taken to dying her hair pink, an odd choice to me, but then again, I am not a former body builder or weight lifter, but I do not doubt you are skilled in other ways and will be a valued member of this team.”

“Thank you.” She says then likely sensing the slight tension in your voice, she leaves and you are alone again, the door to your room closed and leaving you in privacy. She had come to make herself known to you. A sign of the unspoken code between soldiers like you and her, but she had neither offered nor denied you her aid.

A test on her part. To see if you were truly as she had likely heard.

You sit at your computer and open a document, typing in the name of the Hotel you had stated in and opened the review section, typing a short paragraph in the comment section to thank the hotel for the little chocolate on the pillow and the nice clean smell of the rooms. 

Someone comes down the hall way and stops outside your door, you can hear their gloved hands rubbing together as they trying to decide weather or not to knock.

You say nothing and instead you send your review and close the program, opening your draw to take out your diary as you make note of the charm you bought and the details of your talk with Genji and the newly made cuts in your palm.

At last the person outside decides to knock and you call back. “The door is open.”

Almost instantly, Tracer opens the door and comes in, head bowed and wringing her hands. “I um… I heard what happened and… why you weren’t there.” She says and you place your diary back in its draw. “Did you really… would you really leave?”

“I am not welcomed nor trusted to stay here when the Solider 76 or any other old Member of Overwatch is not here to keep an eye on me, I am not trusted by the two younger ones to the point they lock their doors at night. Athena is monitoring every key stroke I make on this computer and I am openly questioned about my loyalty.” You state evenly though you see Tracer flinch at your words. “Would you stay in a place like this if you were treated the same way? Or would you take the chance to leave?”

Tracer shifts from foot to foot, unable to stay still as she thought, you know she can’t answer the question, she hasn’t been through such a situation, and she, unlike you, was loved and praised by everyone who knew her. 

“Was that all you wanted to know?” You ask.

“Why do you ignore McCree?” She asks and you sigh. “Please, you know he means you no harm, why don’t you let him close?”

“What good will letting someone close do me?” you ask looking at her for an honest answer. “Someone to hold me back, someone who doesn’t understand what I mean when I say I don’t need his sympathy or pity, nor do I want anything from him.” You say. “I do not need anyone close. They die anyway.”

“He doesn’t pity you.” Tracer says in McCree’s defense as she steps closer then stops herself.., “He cares and he worries, we all saw what the loss of your unit did to you, it scared us. All of us.”

“It was a moment of weakness on my part.” You say, “I am not some weakling child. My actions that day were none of your concern.”

“But they were real.” Tracer says and you go stiff. “I don’t know what they did to you in the S.I.S, but I do know that whatever it was, it didn’t rob you of all emotions.” She adds, “Whatever it is that keeps you so closed off to everyone, whatever fear or training you had to close us out, please just… let it go. You don’t have to follow the rules of something that is dead.”

“I have no reason not to.” You say. “Leave. I have things to do.” You say, taking your weapons and head for the shooting range. You know you will be questioned about it later, but right now you don’t care, you need to vent.

~~~

Zenyatta and Genji were in the shooting range viewing box when you arrived, likely Genji was showing the Monk how to set up the practice dummies with Athena’s help, just in case he ever wished to train in the arena with Genji.

You weren’t sure if they were still there, all you care about right now is shooting the targets and making sure they stay down as Athena monitors you, you can hear her scanners going as you take down target after target. The targets suddenly stop and shut down, the lighting changing to show the whole room in full view and the doors to the room opened. 

“Do you have any idea what time it is?” Mercy asks as she glares at you.

“Athena, the time and how long I have been in here please?” you ask holstering your guns and clean your knife on your sleeve before sheathing it.

“The time is twenty three hundred thirty seven pm. You have been in the training simulator for seven hours.” The computer voice states. 

“There is your answer.” You say to Mercy, while walking past her and heading back to your room.

“Why were you in there for so long?” she asks.

“Venting on targets rather than taking frustrations out on the walls.” You state opening your door and putting your weapons away. “What do you want?” 

“You did not show up for your medical examination.” Mercy says. “Again.”

“Given the red mark on your neck, you were too busy with someone else to care until now.” You state and Mercy’s hand goes to her neck. “Try a darker shade of foundation cream or wear a scarf.” You add heading for the showers, Mercy follows you a few minutes later, you can hear her heels behind you.

Unlike McCree, Mercy is a woman and has no reason to wait at the door to the showers, though she does stay in the stall beside you to give you some form of privacy

“Why do you shower in your vest?” she asks.

“None of your business.” You answer, while washing your hair. “The results will be the same as they were last time, even though you insist things might change my body is not going to accept or respond to whatever drug you try to inject me with.” 

“I am the doctor, I will be the judge on that.” Mercy says.

“If you say so,” you state rinsing your hair and then rubbing the soap into a lather as you wash your front and legs. “Shall I expect to be handcuffed for this examination?”

“I do not handcuff my patients.” Mercy says with a slight tone.

“No you just handcuff the suspected killer when you try to inject her with a substance you refuse to name and then cry unnecessary force when I break the cuffs and toss the needle out the window.” You remind. “I am no fool Doctor. I do not need your care or your attention so do not waste your time. Go play angel for the heroes and leave me to my own healings. They have worked out far better than yours in the years I have used them.”

“You are not a qualified doctor.” 

“And you are not my unit medical officer.” You say rinsing off the soapy lather and turning the shower off, wrapping yourself in the thick towel you had brought with you and the night robe, still wearing the vest top underneath.

Mercy follows you back to your room but you close and lock the door before she can step inside. 

“You cannot keep living as if the S.I.S is still active, it is mentally unhealthy for you.” she says through the door as you remove the night robe and go about drying yourself, “You need a real doctor to look over your injuries, someone qualified to check your blood and make sure you haven’t harboured an infection or illness.”

“I do not need you to tell me what is and is not needed.” You say removing the vest and placing it in the wash bag, taking a clean one from the table to wear to bed after drying your hair, you note it needs trimming and decide to cut it tomorrow. 

Mercy sighs outside your door. “Please, you haven’t had a medical professional look you over since you left Overwatch… at least let me make basic examination of you.”

“No.” You say firmly.

“Why don’t you trust me?” she asks.

“Why should I?” you ask back with a harsh growl, “You tried to drug me before, under the orders of Commander Morrison, what stops you trying to drug me again? You have no right to ask me for my cooperation and you will never have my trust. Now go find your lover and sleep I have no desire to speak with you any longer.” 

You hear the Doctor sigh again, a defeated sound and eventually she does leave you alone, the heels clicking against the ground as she walks away.

~~~

The morning sees you up before everyone else, sat alone on the small balcony area with a warm bowl of porridge topped with a small drip of honey, listening to the morning breeze and the soft humming of the generators in the base.

You hear someone come into the kitchen behind you but say nothing as you take another mouthful of your breakfast.

“I had not expected to see you out so early.” The new comer says and you do not turn to face him, you refuse to entertain him or his attempts to gain your forgiveness. You won’t acknowledge him and he knows you won’t and yet still, he tries to speak with you. 

“It is a good morning, no?”

You don’t answer him and instead take another spoon full of your porridge while he prepares the kitchen for a large breakfast. He would be cooking for everyone this morning.

“I don’t know what more I can do to make amends.” He says after a short silence, “But I do not regret holding you back from that fire.”

“You had no right to stop me.” You snap at him, and you don’t need to look at him to know he has flinched. “Everyone that meant something to me died that day and you held me back from saving them. You were no better than the bastards that caused that fire.”

“I couldn’t let you die in a fool’s errand.” He says.

You see red and turn on your heel, the now empty bowl of porridge flung with so much force even if he had caught it, it would have broken as you curse him in your native tongue with such veracity and venom that within minutes, Winston, Mercy, Tracer and Zarya are in the room, though they do not dare to come near you or between you and Reinhardt.

You don’t know how long you curse him, but god does it feel like an eternity before Zarya steps into your line of sight and her large hands grab your shoulders and she forces you to look at her.

“That. Is. Enough.” She says firmly and calmly though the weight of her hands on your shoulders is enough to confirm the unspoken conscience if you don’t stop.

“He had no rights-”

“I do not know the reasons for your anger. But I do know that you are not in fit state to continue.” Zarya states cutting you off. “Now, you go and do whatever you need to do to calm down. And later, I will find you and we will speak more of this. Weather you desire it or not, you are going to have this talk. Understand me, malen'kiy?”

You feel your eyes go wide and your body tense so tightly you feel the scars on your body pull so tight it feels like they will reopen.

No one has called you ‘little one’ since the fire. No one but your Master had ever called you that.

Zarya must have realized her words had caused this reaction as her gaze softened, no longer the hard look of a fellow solider, but the look of a concerned companion. “Go now. Do what you must.” She says softly and without a word you go, leaving the rest of the base to wonder what just happened.

~~~

You didn’t know what time it was when Zarya found you again, outside on some isolated ledge, just on the edge of Athena’s scanners for the base, throwing small rocks and stones own into a small creek with far more force than needed. 

You know why Zarya has come alone. You may be from different places and different training, but you were all trained to fight for your people and your countries and there is tolerance, understanding and something of a trust that can be found when soldiers are grouped together from different walks of life.

Usually.

“Calmer now?” Zarya asked.

“Do I look calm to you?” You ask throwing another rock into the creek.

“Why not go to the shooting range?” the Russian asked, taking a smoother stone and tossed it down as well.

“Athena locked me out of all the ranges and sparing rooms on Winston’s orders.” You state while tossing another rock. “So I had to find a new way to vent.” Zarya remained silent and you continue to throw stones and rocks into the creek for a few minutes. “What do you want?”

“To understand.” Zarya asked. 

“Understand what?” you ask tossing a stone up and catching it in your palm again. “That my training makes me a killer in their eyes? That I will never be trusted and I will never be welcome here? Or that my metal state has been in question since the Knight thought it wise to hold me back as my unit died?” You added tossing the stone with enough force that it shattered on the ground past the creek.

“And yet despite all this, you stay.” Zarya says, so softly anyone who hadn’t been listening wouldn’t have heard it. “Even with all those reasons to leave, you stay, you come back when they call and you stay with them. Why?”

“I have been vouched for.” You say in defeat. “Tracer and McCree vouched for me, I will not disgrace my unit and master by ignoring the fact they have taken responsibility for me.”

“Even though the Unit and Master are dead?” Zarya asked and you tense up again. “You know it is true, you saw it happen and still you allow the way they trained to rule you. If you do not wish to be here you must leave the training of S.I.S behind you and go back to the life before.”

“I can’t.” You say and hear Zarya make a sound of confusion. “I have no one, no family beyond my unit, no uncle or aunt, no siblings. No one. S.I.S pulled from the streets two weeks after they had been killed in an attack. They gave me a reason to live and keep fighting… and then it was taken away again.” You explain and toss another rock to the creek. “I can’t go back to the life before S.I.S because I don’t have one.”

“You didn’t try to resettle after you were disbanded?” Zarya asks.

“My country is gone.” You remind and shake your head, your shoulders slumping down as you sink to the ground. “Where was I meant to go? No one would take me in, not with my training.” You hear Zarya try to speak, but soon she realizes as many others have that you are right, no country would welcome a S.I.S member with open arms, not even Numbani…

“Where would you go… if you did leave?” she finally asks and you sigh.

“I don’t know.” You say. “Where can I go? I have no one and nothing left. I might as well be a ghost.” You add.

“Then maybe it is time you stopped being a Ghost.” Zarya said and you cast her a sideways look. “Let us show them you are not the monster they think you to be. Let them close and in return they will welcome you.”

“And if they do not?” you ask.

“They will.” She says, “If they can accept a former outlaw, a vigilante, a pair of wanted criminals and a former pair of children into their ranks, they have no excuse to keep you at arm’s length.” 

“And how do you propose to win them over? Sweets and drinks?” You ask.

Zarya smiled. “No, I have already told them they are wrong to judge you on the violence of your training and skills. But to start, you should allow the Doctor to see you, with them there.” She said and sees you stiffen up again. “It will be a start.”

You don’t speak and instead hug you knees to your chest, rocking back and forth slowly.

If Mercy saw the scars, she would ask questions… they all would. 

They don’t understand the reason they were there or why you didn’t cover them with synthetic skin and why none of your medical history was on a file they could access. You could have to show Mercy the diaries you kept from all those years of training. 

You’d have to give up that small privacy you have managed to keep hold of for so long. That little bit of your history that only your Unit and Master knew about you…

“I don’t want to.” You say at last.

“What do you lose in letting them see you’re history?” Zarya asks and you glare at her. “Your Master would have asked you to let her examine you.” You open your mouth to argue then stop.

She would have, if she had been alive...

“Tell me what you would lose if you show them you for what you were trained to be? Not the killer they think you are now.” She asks again.

“Why must they all know my history? Why must everyone know what I was before? How weak I was before they found me…?” you ask though you know you are losing this debate.

“Then do not show all of them, show the Doctor, show Winston and show those who have vouched for you, let them see what you went through to become who you are today for their own eyes and then let then judge you.” Zarya said and offers you her hand. 

“And if you are wrong?” you ask, “If nothing chances, if they still see me as nothing but a killer and traitor waiting to turn them over to Talon?” 

Zarya smiles and you feel something oddly familiar tug your chest. “Then I will stand with you.” She says, “Come now, if things here are as bad as they seem you no doubt need a real sparring match to prove you can still fight. And I heard another Solider has arrived, maybe the three of us can really show the children how to really fight.”

That was a challenge and chance to truly vent. You know Zarya can fight you do need some real sparring to make sure you stayed at the top of your game. Slowly you take Zayra’s offered hand and just for a moment, you felt that old warm touch that had meant safety once upon a time.

~~~

Zarya hadn’t been kidding when she said they were going to spar, nor had she been mistaken when she’d mentioned another solider had arrived, Fareeha Amari, call sign ‘Pharah’ and together the two of them had put you to your paces and made you work for the victory you had over them, the work out had left you panting heavily and shaking from adrenaline, no doubt you would have bruise and aches in the morning, but you did not care.

Too long you’d gone without a real challenge and this had given you the chance to let loose and really vent the frustration, and had someone who could take the hits and give them back with equal force.

It was nice and it made you feel alive again. 

“Are you alright?” Pharah asked as you lent against the wall, panting heavily and gasping for air, Zarya beside you, equally out of breath.

“I’m ok... just… enjoying the rush.” You admit and the other woman smiles, “I have not sparred so well in a long time…”

“Come, we better go in and shower,” Zarya says and you smile, “We will be sore in the morning but a good sparring is not without aches.” She adds. You nod and together, the three of you make your way to the showers, pausing by your room as you remove your jacket and armour, everything but your light vest before retrieving you wash bag and wrap yourself in your night robe before heading to the showers, Zarya and Pharah having already retrieved their wash bags and towels.

“What on earth happened to you all?!” A horrified Mercy cried as you entered the shower room and you realize it is still early in the evening, and the wash rooms would be crowed still, however before you can slip away, Zarya’s arm lightly strikes your back in a gentle assurance and Pharah puts a hand on your shoulder.

“We sparred.” Zarya states then turns and looks at Winston as he is practically socked by the shower. “You locked malen'kiy out of the training rooms and ranges, what did you expect her to do to vent after this morning?” She adds and gently pushes your forwards while Pharah grabs a spare towel for herself.

Mercy continued to chatter and chirp about your injuries while you pull a lose tooth from the back of your mouth, a molar with a huge crack in it and place it in a small pocket of your wash bag for later. You know they are staring at you, though you notice Hana and Lucio are more awe struck then fearful, though the heated glare against your back could only be Solider 76.

“Take a picture, Morrison.” Pharah states and the glaring stops just you reach the small safety of the designated ‘girls side’ of the showers, you remove your night robe and hang it on the spare hook beside Zarya’s and step into the shower.

Mercy has gone quiet and you know Tracer and Hana have seen your arms and legs as they have gone quiet as well, likely the sparring had strained your skin to the point all your scars were showing, from the small knife cut to the back of your left leg to the bullet hole that had got through your right shoulder. They couldn’t see the worse scars, the ones that were under your vest. You wouldn’t let them see those scars, they had no reason to see them and they wouldn’t, you make sure of that by taking the bobble from your hair and turn the spray to full.

“Are they… painful?” Hana asks, at last breaking the silence.

You glance back over your shoulder and spot her sat on the bench, her hair still damp and her usual pink whiskers missing from her face, eyes wide with awe, confusion and worry. “The scars.” She adds.

Slowly shake your head. “Not anymore.” You say and it is true. “They stopped hurting a long time ago.” 

Zarya is smiling when she speaks, you can hear it in her voice. “Maybe tomorrow, you can give us heath check, Doctor?” You look back at Mercy as she sits dumb founded beside Hana, the look on her face is one of sheer and utter shock before you go about your shower, letting Zarya continue. “Maybe you make sure that malen'kiy is still well?” 

You see Mercy nod out of the corner of your eye and know that you have no way out of this now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> malen'kiy = Young/Little One in Russian


	3. The present.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> opening up isn't easy, even with help.

Chapter three.

Sleep had come easy and wrapped you in a deep embrace, so deep you did not dream, you wake feeling better then you have in a long time. It is nice and you feel content in a strange way, even as you dress for the day and then reach under your bed, pulling a large black lock box from the wall and carefully undo the lock on it.

Inside are three large black diaries, all full to busting with every handwritten detail of your injuries, some in your own words, others in the words of your master… You hadn’t read the words of your Master for yourself, you can’t, the tears come too quickly and the pain of knowing she is gone now is too much…

Your current diary is in the draw by your computer. Only a quarter full but still packed with details of your life before the Recall… Everything you are, everything you have been and everything that happened to you is in these books, from the start of your training to the tooth Zarya had cracked yesterday. And now, you were going to let outsiders see that side of you, show them the torments and torture you endured to get where you were before it was all taken away. 

It was a scary thought… 

Someone knocked on your door. “It’s open.” You call softly.

“Are you ready?” Zarya asks opening the door but not coming in out of respect. 

“I am… unsure.” You admit and for a moment, there is silence.

“Do you want me to carry them?” Zarya asks nodding to the diaries and after a short while you nod and let Zarya take the lock box while you retrieve the diary from the draw and take a deep breath, trying to calm the sudden surge of uncertainty that is trying to rise.

A hand comes to rest on your shoulder and you turn to see Zarya waiting with a calm smile and Pharah waiting at the door. “You are not doing this alone.” Zarya says and again there is that smile and look in her eyes that reminds you so much of your Master.

You nod and let yourself be lead out of your room and slowly lead towards the medical wing, you can hear voices already in there and know just by the tone, Solider 76 is there and so it Reinhardt. You won’t admit that you feel something crawling in the pit of your stomach, you are not going to show them how uneasy this makes you…

“Doctor.” Zarya says and instantly everyone in the room shuts up as you are lead in, though if Solider had tried to glare at you, he quickly changes his mind and leaves the room with a grumble.

Zenyatta and Genji are there, likely Genji us there to have his systems checked, whereas Zenyatta appears to be helping Lucio with some kind of Physio therapy for his legs.

“What are these?” Winston askes as Zarya hands him the lock box, Mercy currently in the middle of a small examination of Hana’s eyes.

“My history, medical and otherwise.” You say, “They are in reverse order, first at the bottom of the pile, this one is the current one.” You add nodding to the diary in your hands.

“It’s all in there?” Mercy asks and you nod.

“Every injury, every reaction I had to treatment, every method of healing I have undergone everything that has ever happened to me or concerning me, is in these diaries some entries are in my words, others are from my Master. Photos and charts are numbered, dated and filed in the back of each diary.” You explain.

“Why have you not typed them up and sent them to Winston?” Lucio asks from his place on the floor pausing his exercises to allow Zenyatta to adjust the resistance of the equipment for him.

“S.I.S rule one. Never share your history via hackable means.” You state and Hana makes a confused sound so you turn to her and point at the small hand held gaming device she is carrying. “You use that for gaming and entertainment, but someone like Blackwatch or even other forces around the world could take that same device open it up, and alter it to the point where you could walk around and look like you are playing a game to the rest of the world, when in fact you would be wirelessly hacking systems miles away. The same goes for any device that gamers use.”

“Really?” Hana asks looking at the handheld game.

“It has been done before.” Winston nods and then looks at you, “Would you allow us to keep them here, until we have read them properly and have a better understanding of your medical history?” he asks and you nod though you hope it does not appear as stiff as it felt before Mercy finishes the examination on Hana and turns to you and for a moment you wish you could turn invisible.

“We can close the curtains.” She says and you feel a sudden relief.

“That would be, easier.” You say glancing at Hana and Lucio, both of who look away, realizing what you mean.

“We will wait for you.” Zarya says and gently pulls the last diary from your hands. “Go on.” She adds with a small smile. You nod and despite how heavy your feet feel, you move towards the bed Hana had been sat on and take a seat on it while Mercy pulled the curtains around the bed.

You hear Lucio hiss slightly outside as you remove the jacket and shirt, then slip out of your pant and the skin tight leggings underneath, standing there with your vest and underwear on while stepping onto the weight scales. 

“Lucio’s legs have been locking up recently.” Mercy tells you, trying to make you comfortable. “And Hana’s eyes have been blurred lately.” She adds making note of the numbers.

“Fine partials clogging the joints, easily removed with a small paint brush or high pressure air at the right angle. Try sleeping with her eyes covered by a cool compress or slightly damp cloth and change the lightbulb in her room to a fogged one, it will decrease the burn on her eyes when she plays games.” You say knowing Hana and Lucio are listening. 

“How do you know it’s a clog?” Lucio asks as Mercy carefully documents something on her clip board.

“I can hear the scraping when you walk. Mostly in your right knee joint. Water won’t get rid of all the dirt and grit from the day, so a can of compressed air with a thin straw attached to the head should help you clear it.” You explain then pauses as Mercy taps your shoulder.

“Your vest.”

Oh. Right…

Mercy has to see all the scars. Not just the little ones. 

Slowly you tug the vest up, uncovering those few scars that only your master had seen before and you watch as Mercy’s face goes from the usually professional black expression to a look of pure shock and awe.

You know why.

Your back is covered in burns, cuts, graphs and an ungodly number of bullet, knight and lashes, each layered on top of the other. The worst looking you know is over the top of your back, where a burning plinth had fallen on you as you and your Unit recovered a family of immigrants from a burning bomb sight and just below that, were the remaining scars of your training days, lashes from a cane or whip, crude and jagged cuts from homemade knives and shanks. 

“What did they do to you?” she asks almost a whisper. 

“Made me who I am.” You say, “The burn is from rescuing immigrants from a bomb sight, my Master tended it herself,” you add.

“And these?” Mercy asks and you feel her fingers lightly trace the lashes and jagged scars. “These were not tended by any doctor…”

“They were before the Master.” You explain. “S.I.S training began with the instinct and will to survive… they weeded out the weak by making us fight each other to survive and heal on our own.”

“How? By throwing you into a cruel game?” Mercy asks. “This is abuse, neglect… it is wrong to make children fight.”

“No one else saw it that way.” You remind. “We were a small nation. A tiny group of people that the rest of the world ignored. Our government needed an army to save their in times of war and crisis, so they made one. Training us from youth to adult hood, those who did not make the S.I.S units became doctors, scientists, cooks, scouts and other such militants, but we were the soldiers… without us, our country would fall to the Omnics.”

“But your country was wiped out.” Mercy says, “Why keep fighting their war when you could be free?”

“Could you stop?” Mercy pauses and the room stops. “Could you put down the armour you wear on the field, leave the weapons you have now and turn your back on the life you have here and go back to the life you had? Could you start again if this was gone forever? Could any of you?”

Mercy cannot answer you and for a long time the whole room is silent. Even as Mercy goes back to her examination, you know they could, but none of them could stay away from this life now, they’d been here too long.

It is Winston who breaks the silence, speaking to you through the curtains. “The Diaries do not mention your real name, or date of birth.”

“My name?” you ask and realize that you haven’t used it in so long… 

“You do not remember it?” Winston asks.

“I never use it.” You state. “My Master would have known it, but she did not use names to speak to us.”

“What did she call you?” Mercy asked.

“Little one was her term for me.” You explain and the smallest of smiles touches your lips, “I bit her the first time I met her…”

“Why’d you bit her?” Hana asks, and you chuckle.

“I have been shoved in a box no bigger than a small shipping crate, blindfolded and left to starve to death, when she found me I was on the brink of dying and I didn’t know who was holding e or what they wanted, so when I felt a hand on my face I bit it. It was only after that she took the blindfold off and I realized she wasn’t trying to kill me that I let go, she called me little one ever since.”

“That… sounds like a very bad way to meet someone.” Lucio states.

“It was better than having someone stick a shank in your back.” You state and the two shudder.

“Your date of birth?” Winston asks.

You tell him and Mercy states that for your age, you do not look a day over a younger age, you get the feeling she is just trying to be nice with that comment. But you say nothing and allow her to continue her examination of your scar covered body until at last it is over and you can dress again, though you do not put your jacket on just yet and Mercy opens the curtains.

Zarya and Pharah are still there, though Zarya is helping Lucio with his joints while Zenyatta tends Pharah. And then you saw the needles in the packages and tensed slightly as Mercy opens one in front of you.

“I will try to be quick.” Mercy says and you nod, letting her prepare your arm for the needle.

It is the smallest pain, but it is enough to make you clench your fists and Mercy sees it, though neither of you say anything. You do not trust her, not by a long stretch of the imagination, but with some many others around you know she can’t try anything sinister. 

Zarya must have seen something because you catch her glare at Mercy but you say nothing and instead head to the kitchen for breakfast.

~~~

You were sat enjoying a quiet moment on the balcony, eating a small bread roll when a small yellow feathered bird fluttered in and landed on the railing near to you and sang a few notes.

“Hello little bird.” You say and the bird chips at you though it may not understand you, it is clearly not afraid of you, fluttering closer and then, with not a trace of fear it hands on your fingers. Slowly so as not to startle the bird you lift your hand and look at the bird. “You are bold.” You smile and again the bird chips at you.

You recognize the bird after a moment as Ganymede and smile, standing slowly and walking to the edge of the railing, looking down to see Bastion being given a long overdue maintenance check and a cleaning. “Come to stay out of the way have you?” you ask and Ganymede makes a soft chirping sound.

The peace of the moment is ruined by a ping to your comm and Athena requesting all Overwatch Agents come to the briefing room for mission detail.

“So much for a quiet day.” You sigh as Ganymede returned to Bastion.

~~~

You can hear Hana whimpering as the rapidly moving transport rocked and bounced over the sands from her seat across from you, even Genji is struggling to maintain his calm composure as the vehicle moves with enough force, even the mighty Reinhardt is unable to stand up for long.

“Can… can we please-PLEASE! Slow down?” Hana pleads clutching the harness of her seat tightly. “Please!”

“We are almost there, stop complaining!” Solider 76 snarled out and Hana whined again.

“Ignore him, he’s just pissed.” McCree says.

“Hana.” You say softly and she looks at you, fear and dread clear in her face, you tap your comm and chose Hana’s privet channel. “Focus on my voice, and do as I say.” You tell her and she nods trying bravely to hold in her tears even as you feel the vehicle go air born for a few seconds. “Breath in through your nose, hold it in for ten seconds and then slowly let it out of your mouth.” Hana tries and at first she is shaky and struggles to get the time right the attempts broken by a sudden sharp jolt. “Slow, steady breaths, in through the nose, out through the mouth. In… out… in… out.” You continue and you hear someone else join the channel, hearing the slightly metallic twinge as Genji preforms the breathing with deliberate exaggeration so Hana can hear him.

Slowly, Hana falls into steady breathing rhythm with Genji’s and she looks at you. The tears still there but this time they are in relief. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.” You say, then look towards Genji. “Where are we Genji?” you ask.

“Temple of Anubis.” Genji says. “Talon have been seen in the area.”

“They will not stay here long.” Pharah states from somewhere ahead of Genji. 

“Agreed.” Genji states and you nod.

You know this is going to be a push back mission, take out the Talon forces and make sure they stay away for a time. But something is tickling the back of your mind, a sickly feeling that you can’t quite shake.

Something is going to go wrong.

“Hana.” You say and she looks at you. “Stay close to the others.” You tell her and though she gives you a questioning look she nods. 

~~~

The ambush had been well planned.

You had to give Talon that much.

You’d completed the apparent mission and driven them out of the Temple of Anubis, only to step right into their ambush and already Pharah was struggling, her boosters damaged badly while McCree covered D.Va and Solider 76’s retreat to safety, Genji having taken the chance to race out of range and call for backup while you stayed outside, drawing fire away from McCree and the others.

Widowmaker was trying to target you, you can feel the cross hairs but you simply step out of her sight line at the last second and the bullet buries itself into the sand. “Your aim is poor, spider!” you yell while slicing the neck of a Talon Agent and then drop kicking another.

“Watch out!!!” Hana yelled and you easily roll to avoid the heavy fist that would have struck your face and turn sharply, driving a foot into the agent’s stomach and then smashing a right hook into his face. 

“Cover!” Pharah yelled and you duck into a small alcove hearing numerous rockets fly past you.

“Move up!” Solider 76 snarled over the comms and you follow a small pathway, stopping only to kill hidden Talon agents as they try to take you out, you can hear someone behind you, McCree by the sound of the heels.

You ignore him for now, instead you search out the mech you know Hana is in and take some relief to see she is sticking close to Pharah.

Then you hear it. 

A subtle but continued whine.

“Pharah, does this place have a Generator?” you ask.

“No. it’s too old. Why?”

“I hear a whining. Like when a Generator powers up.” You explain seeing McCree pause next to you then look around.

“Why would Talon need a Generator?” he asks.

“Weapons.” You state. “Or an Omnic.” You add.

“Great.” McCree sighs.

“Stay with Hana.” You tell him and then take off again.

Right into the waiting ambush that thought it was being quiet, you unload your clip into them, each one going down with a bullet to the chest or neck, they’d die if they didn’t get to a doctor soon.

Not that you care.

The whining gets louder and you feel something or someone is starting to get too close to you, though you cannot see or hear anyone with you.

Something moves behind you and your turn, levelling your gun to shoot it. 

Nothing is there.

~ “Move up.” ~ Solider 76’s voice cuts through the comms again and you move on, though you keep an eye on your surroundings, feeling like someone has eyes on you.

You don’t like it.

The whining stops.

You stop.

For a moment there is no sound, not even a breeze.

Then there is an all mighty scream from Hana and Pharah, a scream that makes you bolt towards them.

Pain, they are in pain, LOTS of pain. Stop as McCree hits the ground catching Pharah as she stagers to the ground.

“Help!!” Hana screams and you know the panic in her voice, the Mech suit isn’t responding and won’t eject her, the suit itself starting to crackle and flare in warning.

You don’t even think.

You act.

You dive on the mech and grab the hatch keeping Hana inside, gritting your teeth hard and pull on the hatch, straining your shoulders and back as you pull the hatch open by force and grab Hana’s legs, yanking her out of the mech and shielding her from the explosion with your own body.

Then the shots come raining down on you, you feel the hits to your armoured back, shoulders and legs as you lay on top of Hana, shielding her from the worse shots. “Cover!!!!!” you yell and hear a familiar Japanese bellow before you grab Hana in one arm around the waist and drag her to where you can see McCree’s boots. 

“What the fuck was that?!” McCree yells over the gunshots as you skid in to the cover and take up position by the door, keeping Hana out of the line of fire. 

“Static charge!” You replay, “Short range electrical burst that fries systems!”

“Well shit!” McCree snarled. “Solider!! We’re pinned here!!!” he yells down the comms.

“The fuck we are.” You hiss and reload your guns. “Be ready to run!” you add before breaking cover and unloading your guns into the Talon Agents, cutting them down one after another before pausing to reload again. “Go, go, go!!!!”

You move with them, staying in the back to cover them as they retreat, Genji is with you and now and then McCree is able to take a few shots while protecting Hana, still vulnerable and weak without her Mech and due to the surges still goin through her body from the static charge.

You feel eyes on you again, but you ignore them for now, you have a mission to do. If you can get back to the temple you can set up and hold them off.

You see the Temple and nod. “Get gone Genji!” you shout. “I got this!”

“But They’ve called-!”

“Go!” You snarl and Genji reluctantly dashes off, you don’t need him here, he needs to keep an eye on Hana.

You see the black mist coming and holster your guns, clenching your fists tightly as the familiar white mask of Reaper focuses into life and to two of you lock in hand to hand combat, each punch he lands on you, you land a return punch on him.

You are both soldiers. This is what you are trained to do. The difference is, Reaper will not stop until everyone else is dead. You need to knock him down. You need to get Reaper on the ground and keep him there. Fight dirty of you have too just keep him from getting past you. You have to knock him down.

Not easy when he mists in and out of being solid. “What’s the matter, can’t fight a girl?” you ask, taunts always work well when getting people angry with you.

Anger makes mistakes. 

The cold chuckle is not what you expected as you both lock arms, your left arm blocking his right punch while your right hook is blocked by his left palm. “You have lost your edge,” he states. 

“Go fuck yourself.” You hiss.

“You can’t stay with Overwatch.” He continues and you feel your arms tense. “You need structure, and I can give it to you… if you join me.”

“Like I said. Go fuck yourself,” you repeat and smash your knee into his stomach, following through with an elbow to the head before you turn and make a dash for the Temple.

McCree’s face goes white and his eyes widen. Hana screams something, her face filled with dread and fear, Pharah takes aim and fires a rocket at something behind you while Genji tries to draw his sword.

You don’t realize what it is until something cold, metallic and hard smashes into your back and you feel yourself fly through the air like a rag doll before smashing into the wall with enough force that you can taste the blood in your mouth and the world rings in your ears.

Your world starts to fade as you hit the ground, and then, just as McCree knees beside you and tries to keep you awake, you slip into total darkness.


	4. one step forwards, two steps back.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> progress is never easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Muhawalat li aimra'atan mayta = Try me, dead woman. (Google translate please tell me if I got that wrong.)

Chapter Four.

“Do not crowd her, she will need time to recognize where she is.”  
“Let her come out of this on her own, if you stand around her she’ll lash out on instinct.”   
“No medical equipment. She’ll only struggle more if she wakes up with beeping around her.” 

You know the voices, but you can’t pen your eyes to see them. Zarya is somewhere above you… right over you, you can’t move your arms or legs, you try and then suddenly a wave of pain rushes over your body, making you whimper. Oh you hurt. Everything hurts, why can’t you move? Why? What had happened? 

Hana is somewhere nearby, you can hear he sniffling as smaller hands gently hold yours.

“She’s shaking Zarya.”  
“We can’t move her child, her back could be broken.”

A soft, warm hand touches your face, the faint small of smoke clings to it.

“She’s cold. Fetch the foil blanket from the first aid kit Hana, quickly.”

You feel yourself starting to come out of the blackness and you at last open your eyes, the pain getting worse and worse, everywhere felt as if it were being stabbed over and over again with knifes of ice even as you feel Zarya’s hands gently keeping your head form moving as McCree rolls his serapa and places it around your head, added protection from any movement, something was placed over you and the foil blanket is placed over you.

You catch Zarya’s eyes and she gives you a soft smile. “You hear us?” You make what little of an affirming sound you can and regret it instantly as pain rushes over you again. “Easy,” she says and gently takes your hand in hers. “You were hit from behind by a modified Bastion unit. The force send you into the wall, you’ve been out cold for the last twenty minutes. We’re putting you on the back brace to get you out of here. Talon is gone.”

“H… how?” you hear yourself asks.

“Ana.” McCree states and you glance his way and then passed him to the woman stood a little ways back, tending Genji while yelling something into a comm link.

“Han… Hana? Pha… Pharah?” you ask shaking as something inside you suddenly feels tight and painful.

“Hana’s fine. She’s right here.” McCree says and seconds later Hana came into your field of vision, Pharah right behind her. 

“Stop talking.” Zarya says as the transporter pulls up closer. “Rest now. We’ll get you better.”

“Do… don’t give me… sedative. Don’t.” you say as they prepare to put you on the board. 

“We won’t.” McCree assures, “Zarya’s in charge of you until we hit home.” he adds and then offers you his metallic hand. “Squeeze when it hurts.” 

You could have nodded if you could so instead you take his hand, the cool feel helps keep you grounded as Pharah and Zarya give the orders to move you and how to do it. Gods above the pain is worse when they move you, surging up and down your body from head to toe so much that you grip McCree’s hand constantly until the board is under you and the metal of McCree’s hand is almost at breaking point.

Something makes your world darken again and you feel a familiar cold flood over you before the world goes dark again.

~~~

You wake again with a sudden need to move and almost lash out when you hear the softest of movements.

Almost.

The small weight on your hand keeps you from lashing out, and the familiar pin prick 

“He’s been sat with you since you came in.” a voice to your left says and you turn to see Zarya sat in a chair, looking tired but with a small smile on her face. “Wouldn’t move even when we offered him bird seed.”

“He is a smart bird.” You say. “My back?” you ask.

“Your skin and muscles are badly bruised and will leave you aching for a few weeks, however your spine was jarred and shows signs of impact fractures, they will heal but until they do you are not suitable for missions.” A new voice says and you look up to see Ana Amari stood by the door.

“Thought you were dead.” You say.

“So did everyone else.” Ana says, looking at you. “Winston and the Commander filled me in.”

“I’m sure they did.” You say and then pause as Ganymede makes a chipping sound and hops up onto your shoulder, tiny head bumping your cheek. “I’m alright little one.”

“For someone trained to be a killer, you are very gentle with animals.” Mercy says as she comes in, “How do you feel?”

“Like I was crushed by a building and then but through the meat grinder.” You state letting Ganymede flitter and hop over your arms. “How bad?”

“Not the worse injuries in your long list, but enough to mean you are not going to be joining missions again for a while.” Mercy says, “You’ll struggle to bend your back and twists, and moving your arms and legs could also be painful, we will know more when the swelling goes down.”

“Place me on a waterbed when I sleep and a warm bath rather than a shower to help keep the swelling down.” You say and before Ana can speak up you add, “I do not need medication to heal swelling.” 

“You aren’t a doctor.” She says.

“Neither are you.” You state and Zarya gave a small chuckle.

“This is going to be a long recovery.” Mercy says, “Are you sure you don’t want something for the pain?” 

“I will cope.” You assure, “I have dealt with worse.” You add and Mercy gives a reluctant nod quietly leading Ana Amari out of the room.

Zarya looks at you as the door closes. “You do not trust her?” she asks and you shake your head. “Why?”

“She hesitated and then faked her death.” You state. “Jack Morrison, Gabriel Reyes, her and gods know how many others have faked death, or simply chose to hide. Now they come back as if they were never away and think that it will all get better. They have no right to call themselves soldiers if they cannot face their demons head on without a mask to hide behind.”

“Yet you respect McCree, myself and Pharah?” Zarya asked.

“McCree was given an unfair choice to join Blackwatch, but he made good on his deal and worked his debt off. You and Pharah fight to protect the innocent, what is not to respect about you?” You ask and Zarya thinks on what you have said while you gently pet Ganymede with your finger.

Before Zarya can answer, Tracer pokes her head around the door and smiles. “Are you up for visitors Love? Hana wants to see for herself that you’re alright.”

You can’t help but smile, poor kid had been in a state when you’d last seen her. “Let her in.” you begin and Hana all but pushes into the room before you finish speaking, coming to your side and going off in a torrent of questions filled with worry and relief you were ok.

It is all genuine and that makes something inside feel ticklish.

~~~

Mercy kept you in the medical bed for two weeks. Two weeks she tried and failed to gain your trust as you slowly recovered, the swelling ever so slowly going down until at last, you were able to get out of bed one night, wrote a note for the doctor to say you were going to your own room and at last had a decent night rest.

You still felt sore, but to help you went out and purchased a large amount of rice, cotton and thread before taking a seat outside, leaning against a soft pillow as you began to sew the cotton together. You know someone besides Hana and Lucio are watching you, you can hear an all to familiar hum and the soft whirling of orbs above you, but you say nothing, it is a nice day out and likely the two are using the roof as a quiet place to meditate. 

Besides it is nice to have some quiet.

“What are you doing?” Genji asks from above you after you finish making a case and gently turned it out on itself.

“Making a rice bag.” You say use a small fabric pen to make a mark on the cotton and then began to hand fill the case. “They can be frozen or heated and help with pains and aches.”

“You make your own?” Genji asks.

“Why spend money to buy something when you have been taught how to make them yourself?” you ask back and Genji seems to smile. “Meditation going well?” you ask.

“As well as most.” Genji says dropping down to sit on the railing. “Do you sew often?”

“When I need too.” You say. “I was usually the one who repaired holes in uniforms for the unit when we didn’t have time to get spare ones.” You add and then carefully start to sew shut the small pocket of rice you had made, pausing to gently shoo Ganymede from the rice. “Do not eat that, you will get sick.” 

Ganymede makes a chirping sound but seems to understand and instead he flew to sit on Genji’s shoulder as Zenyatta offered the bird a small amount of bird seeds.

“Why do you speak to him like that?” Lucio asks, “Like he’ll talk back.”

“Habit.” You state, then when the DJ gives you a confused look you go on. “My Master kept a little white and blue budgie named Sweet, every time someone spoke to her, she chipped and sang back, Master said she was talking. I got into a habit of talking to her and it stuck.”

“How old were you when you were in S.I.S?” Hana asks as you start to fill a second pocket with rice.

“They picked me up when I was eight, started training the next day, I was thirteen when the Master chose me and I was officially made part of the S.I.S at age nineteen.” You say wincing as your back begins to ache somewhat.

“What’s all the fuss out here?” McCree asks coming outside with a tray of cool drinks, and a bowl of cool water he places down for Ganymede, a man made bird bath in every sense of the word.

“Rice bag making and talking about birds.” Genji chuckled. “So far we have little Ganymede and a Budgie named Sweet.”

“Do birds of prey count?” the cowboy asks, “My folks lived near a gorge now and then you’d hear the Eagles over head.”

“Eagles are mean.” Hana says, “They take baby lambs from cliffs and eat them.”

“All part of the circle of life.” McCree says, “It’s not pretty sometimes and it is downright nasty other times, but it is part of life.”

“Still it’s mean.” Hana says.

“No meaner than what they do at a slaughter house.” Lucio says and Hana whines, pleading Lucio not to tell her about that sort of thing and you feel yourself smile as you go back to your rice bag, listening to the chatter around you.

It was almost like the Unit had been… 

Almost…

~~~

Mercy hadn’t been happy to find you in the showers late at night, but she said nothing beyond a light scalding for leaving the medical bay before she cleared you. You take your time in the shower, just letting the water wash over you as you slowly wash yourself, enjoying the feel of the spray and just relaxing.

“Asleep in the shower?” 

Ana.

“Relaxing actually.” You state without opening your eyes as you hear a second shower splutter to life, you finish and turn your shower off, wrapping yourself in your towel and night robe before you hear something that shouldn’t have been in the shower room seconds before the barrel of a gun is pressed against your back.

“Why are you here?” Ana asks and you roll your eyes.

So Ana wants to interrogate you in the showers, likely under orders from Morrison, so much for a peaceful night.

“I answered the recall from Winston. Now do yourself a favour, old solider,” you spat the name out. “And put that toy away before I forget Tracer and McCree vouched for me.” You add.

“And why should I believe you? A known S.I.S member. Your people turned you into a monster.” She says.

“If I am such a monster, why haven’t you killed me already?” you ask and she doesn’t answer. “We are all monsters Ana, you, me, Morrison, McCree, Pharah, even your dear Knight is a monster. It’s part of being a solider and anyone who tries to say it isn’t is a boy scout fool.”

“You walk a thin line for someone with a gun to her back.” Ana hisses.

“So pull the trigger, put me to sleep and drag me off to where ever it was Morrison told you to take me and let’s get this foolishness over with,” you state, “But remember, I don’t need a armour and weapons to kill all of you, and I have fought with broken bones before.”

Ana seems to think on it but rather than shooting you, she puts her gun away and instead places something over your shoulder, a large brown envelope of some kind. “I don’t trust you and so long as I am here, you will not turn the child into a killer like you.” She says as you take the envelope. “Do as you wish with this information, but you are not welcome here.” She adds and you hear her leave as the shower shuts down.

You shake your head, returning to your room and tossing the envelope to your desks. You will look at it later, when you are surrounded by those who have tried to earn your trust genuinely. You would not give the old ghosts who still doubted you the joy of seeing you react alone to the contents and give them reason to ruin the small peace you’d found here.

For now, you were going to rest.

~~~

That morning everyone was quiet. 

Even the usually talkative Tracer was silent and surprisingly still as she sat at the table, Hana and Lucio sat together with their backs towards Ana, Solider 76, Reinhardt and Winston, Hana looking like a scalded Teenager who refused to go to her room on request while Lucio refused to even look at the older Heroes. McCree was also angry, but judging by the large bruise on his face, he’d been ‘ordered’ to keep his mouth shut, Zarya and Pharah on the other hand, were outside on the balcony with Genji and Zenyatta, the Monk trying to talk to a clearly raging Zarya while Pharah paced back and forth, looking ready to kill someone, Genji himself inspecting his throwing stars.

Someone had clearly said something while you were dressing for the day.

Winston had the decency to look somewhat ashamed when you walked in and silently prepared your breakfast, Porridge with honey, the envelope tucked under one arm from last night, unopened and you can hear the growl Solider 76 is trying to hide.

“Did you not open it?” Ana asks.

“I did not.” You say tossing the envelope to the table. “And I will not open it until you tell me why you think I should. Or did Morrison tell you just to deliver it to me?” You add taking a spoonful of porridge.

Hana tries to speak, but McCree shakes his head, putting a finger to his lip for a second before saying, “Let her do this.” In a soft voice.

“But-”

“Let it be.” Lucio says softly, “She’ll show those old timers she is no traitor.” He adds slightly louder so he was heard clearly.

So that was what they wanted.

“I am waiting for an answer Ana.” You say. “Or would you rather I asked in Egyptian?” you add.

“You cannot speak my tongue.” She hisses.

“Muhawalat li aimra'atan mayta.” You say calmly and Ana’s face becomes red with rage. “My Master taught me your tongue and many others, I chose what language I speak and who I speak it too.” You add. “Now answer my question.”

“What did she say to Ana?” Lucio asks.

“Try me dead woman.” McCree translated while you take another mouthful of your porridge.

“McCree tale them out of here.” Solider tries to say only for McCree to shake his head. “Jesse.”

“They are adults, Jack.” Jesse McCree states, “They can stay if they want. Or are you scared they’ll actually make their own choices?”

Someone comes in and you look up from your breakfast, spotting a young woman standing in the door way. Long dark hair, dark skin with dark eyes, blue dress and heeled boots that cover up to mid-thigh, a curved shape and one arm replaced with a Vishkar Corporation tool for hard light if ever you saw one.

“Satya Vaswani.” Winston greeted. “Welcome back.”

“Am I interrupting?” the woman asked.

“Not at all.” You say before anyone else can speak, and Satya gives you a confused look. “Just waiting for an answer as to why they think I should open an envelope they gave me and won’t tell me what they put inside it.”

“Oh?” the India woman says and places her bag down before joining you at the table. “And why have they given you an envelope?” she asks and points at the item in question, silently asking if she may inspect it.

You lightly push it towards her in answer and she carefully lifts it from eth table, inspecting it carefully as you speak. “I have no idea, they will not tell me nor will they answer any questions. And they have been trying to convince the young ones to leave the room.” 

“Ah, that explains why Mr. McCree has a bruise on his face.” Satya says and then looks at the three older Overwatch Agents. “And what is in this?” she asks and Ana is still red in the face, Solider 76 looks about ready to snap and yell at you, while Reinhardt, who has worn his helmet this whole time, slowly reaches up and removes it, showing his face and for a moment you think he looks far older than he is.

“Reinhardt?” Winston asks.

“We found something… unsettling, while going through your diaries.” The old Knight states, watching as you move to wash your bowl and spoon. “Concerning a plan that your Master had uncovered, before the fire.”

“And you could not tell her this?” Zarya snarls as she at last comes back inside, still angry, but at least she doesn’t look like she will kill anyone now, thought that was likely because she has a small yellow passenger on her shoulder now.

“It was unknown to everyone but the masters, according to what her master wrote, she and her unit could never know, she didn’t want them hurt by what she found.” Reinhardt explains.

“I am losing interest in your stalling.” You state with a low tone, turning to face them. “Get to the point. Quickly.” You add and crack your shoulders while rolling them.

McCree puts a hand on Hana’s shoulder to stop her speaking while Tracer and Satya wisely move from the table, leaving the envelope on the table’s surface while you and the older Heroes watch one another. You see Junkrat and Roadhog peeking around the door, but both seem to get that this is not the best time to speak up and have wisely stepped around the argument for now and headed to the apparent safety on the hall way, with Torbjorn and Mei.

It is Winston who speaks up.

“That envelope was sent to me by your Master before the fire,” he explains and you instantly shift your gaze to him, “while reading the diaries, Mercy told me that the Master had written instructions should she pass away for the envelope to be given to her unit.”

“And you thought you’d get Ana to deliver it and shove a gun against my back and tell me what I already know.” You state. “But since so many of you doubt me so much, have it your way.” You add taking the envelope and leaving the room.

“Where are you going?” Tracer asks.

“I quit.” You say tossing the communicator over your shoulder as you go.


	5. the truth.

Chapter Five.

You took back the dairies from Mercy, typed up your resignation and sent into Winston after you packed up everything that was yours in the room, leaving everything Overwatch and its Heroes had given you in a box by the door to the room you use, your phone sat atop it.

You were gone before midday.

The money you had earned from Overwatch was sent to your privet account and you left the London base without a word.

You made it to the terminal for the airport before a familiar hand caught your wrist tightly.

“Don’t go.” Tracer pleads.

“I have no reason to stay.” You tell her and pull your wrist free. “Go back and save the world. I will have no part of this hypercritical mockery of a protection program.” You add and before she can grab you again you hand your ticket in and board the plane.

You don’t need Overwatch. You don’t need anything from anyone. You need no friends, you need only yourself. No Friends. No Family. No Weaknesses. You need no one. You repeat those thoughts over and over in your head, forcing the tears down as the plane takes off.

You need no one.

You travelled for weeks, aimlessly walking streets and pathways, pulling the single suitcase with all your clothes in behind you until you see a small three door car for sale from a kindly old man in Germany. You drive from then on, traveling without any destination and rest in motels when your body demands you rest, doing your washing before you go and eating now and then at truckers road stops.

You have nowhere to go but you refuse to go back.

You are sat enjoying a small meal at a rundown dinner when a familiar shadow passed by you and you ignore it and its owner as he takes a seat at the bar.

You finish your meal, a ‘Granny’s house special’ which in truth was a well done 18oz steak with a side of child, vegs and a small jug of ‘Granny’s homemade’ gravy, something new to try since you’ve been living on small meals for the past month.

You look over the menu and smile, ordering a single slice of hot chocolate fudge cake with an extra scoop of ice cream. You continue to ignore the man at the bar, busying yourself with folding a small napkin until your cake arrives, you thank the waitress before tucking in.

The man has been following you for the last two weeks and you know here is a cross hairs on the back of your neck, but you have no desire to respond to them, you finish your cake and pay the waitress, leaving her a large tip before you head out.

The man follows you shortly afterwards, chasing after your car on his motor cycle now the crosshairs had been lost. He follows you all the way to the boarders, where you lose him in the traffic and head down the road in peace again.

~~~

You stopped the car at the side of the old dirt road after countless hours driving and got out to refill the now empty tank with fuel, listening to the peaceful calm of the night before taking the time to take ut a road map and check your location, you will need to stock up on food and water again soon.

The crosshairs came back.

You sigh and put the map away before turning to where you can feel the crosshairs and spread your arms. “If you cannot shoot me and get this over with then get your twisted ass out here and talk!” You snarl to the winds.

The crosshairs stay on you, but a sound starts to approach and you watch as a familiar looking air craft appears on the horizon and sure enough the back opens and down drops the blue skinned, purple glad female you knew had been watching your through the scope. She looks at you for a long time, you can see her golden eyes though the dust the aircraft over head is throwing up around her as she walks forwards so you may talk without shouting at one another.

“Such a temper you have, mon cher.” She says and slowly places the rifle down. “But I am not here to kill you, not this time.” She adds and slowly turns around showing you she has no other weapons. 

“Little to calm the mood I’m in when you show up to talk and he stays in the shadows with his shotguns.” You state and nod back up to the ship.

Widowmaker smiles. “You are well trained.”

“I do not need niceties.” You snarl, “Tell your masters I am not joining Talon. Not now or ever, and if they think that the same twisted fuck up they made of you I going to work on me, they are sourly mistaken.” You add. “Now go play nice with Tracer. Leave me to my own life.”

“And what life is that, une perte?” She asks. “You have no home to go to, no family or friends… what life is there for you to go to if you have nothing outside the people you work with or for?” 

“Ne pas essayer et doux parler de moi, sorcière meurtrière. Je ne suis pas si facilement joué avec que vous pouvez penser.” You hiss in French and Widowmaker’s eyes twitch. “Je ne pourrai jamais rejoindre tous ceux qui pensent le lavage de cerveau fait un bon soldat.” You add and return to your car.

“Vous ne pouvez plus cacher votre passé, peu perdu un.” Widowmaker calls after you and you can hear the smirk in her voice as she continues. “Mais puisque tu ne vas pas en arrière, je veillerai à ce que la petite fille est seule avant le printemps de la charge statique.”

“What?!” You snarl but it is too late, Widowmaker is already back up in her transport, her rifle in hand as they pull up higher into the air.

That threat was meant to make you angry, make you go back and try to warn them. But it would not. You will not go back to Overwatch. You will not go and tell them.

You will not.

You get in your car and you continue to drive. You don’t know how long you drive, you don’t care.

“Where are we going?” A voice asks and you glance to the passenger seat, where a young girl is sat, in a dress that is almost familiar to you somehow, her eyes are a shining shade lighter than your own, like any child’s eyes that haven’t been darkened by the hardships of life yet and are filled with sweet innocence and youth, in her hand is a small plush toy.

“I don’t know.” You tell her, “Just not back there.”

“Maybe we can go home?” the girl asks. 

“There is nothing to see there.” You state.

“We miss home though.”

The honesty and truth to those four words were enough to make you stop the car and grip the steering wheel so tight your knuckles go white. You do miss home, you haven’t been back since the Omnics had destroyed it all, not even to see the attempt to find if anyone had survived…

“I am afraid to go home.” you admit. “Afraid that if I go back… if we go back, it will… it will hurt.”

“Going home always hurts.” The child says, “But we are strong now. Stronger than before. And maybe if we go home, we can see what that nice lady wanted us to see?”

“Nice lady?” you ask and the child nods. “You mean The Master?”

“She isn’t our Master anymore… and we haven’t been to her grave since the Fire…” the child said, “Maybe she’d like us to go home now?” She would have liked you to go back. You had promised you’d go to her grave… 

“Stay with me?” you ask the girl.

“I never left you.” She says and you look at where she had been sat to see she was no longer there.

~~~

You reach a turn off in the long road and for a moment you hesitate. 

It has been years since you came here. And longer since then that you were a child in the ruins you can see just on the horizon… You look to the car’s glove box and take the slightly worn envelope from within, looking at it for a long while before placing it in your lap as you look back to the ruins that were once your home.

After so long, so many years avoiding coming here, years of putting it off…

You turn down the road and watching the ruins draw closer and closer until you passed the welcoming sign and almost instantly your chest feels tight. You put the car into park beside the broken ruins of the church yard and climb out, clutching the envelope to your chest as you force your feet to walk forwards, through the broken gates and towards the grave yard, your feet getting heavier with every step but you keep walking, making your way to the one headstone that marked the shared grave you had never seen but knew was there.

Sure enough, at the very back of the grave yard, stood without signs of being touched by the destruction around it was a head stone, atop the name plack stood a statue of an angel, her hands held in prayer and her head slightly bowed.

The Master always liked Angels.

“Are they all here?” the child asks as she walks past you and looks down at the names on the plack, though she does not read them aloud. She doesn’t need to. 

You now all of them by heart.

“They are.” You assure and then your legs give out under you and you fall to your knees, shaking so much you crush the envelope close to your chest as the shakes increase, your voice, once so firm and so sure, now starts to break and weaver. “Everyone but me… I should be in this grave with them, I shouldn’t be here…”

“But we are.” The child says and a small, cold hand gently touches your shoulder. “We are here and they aren’t. Maybe that is why the nice Lady told us to stay outside? She didn’t want us to be in there yet?”

“Where else should we be?” you ask as tears start to burn your eyes even more. “We have no home, no place without our unit or Master.” You remind and the tears start to fall as you look at the names on the plack, each one had been dear to you in their own way, from the bad jokes to the horrid snoring at night, the food they cooked to the horrid attempt at music. “Why did she tell me to stay outside?”

“Maybe she left the answers in there.” The child said as her hand touches the Envelope you hold.

“And if this is just some sick joke? Something they planned to make me crack? To make me go to Talon?” you ask looking at the wrinkled and worn paper of the envelope. “What I this isn’t something from her?”

Those cold small hands came back to your face and your tear filled eyes meet the child’s own and for the first time, you realize you know those eyes, all those years ago before the S.I.S pulled you in, before the Master and your Unit…

“We have nothing to lose if we do this here, amongst the Ghosts of all we have lost.” The child says, “No one to judge us if we do this here.” You close your eyes to force the tears back and when you open them again a second later the child is gone and you are alone. 

You look at the envelope in your arms and slowly your turn it over and peel the seal off with shaky hands. 

Inside the brown paper packaging was a make shift information file, similar to the ones you’ve seen thousands of times containing police information or people’s prison information, but this one is filled with information in your own native tongue. You read the words of the file carefully your eyes widening as you realize the information is hand written by your Master and her words swiftly explain what she had found and why she had told no one, not even her Unit… not even you…

“To my dear little one,   
If you are reading this, then you have survived the attempt on your live, and now, I leave this for you, in hopes you will break from the trainings and ways I know you live by and start to live as the child your once were, not the solider you are now.

Our Generals, our people have been lied to. They told us we would be fighting to serve our county and our land, they lied to us. 

I have seen it for myself, they plan to make our children into killers for the highest bidders. They wish to completely break the minds of our chosen little ones and kill what little personality they have left. 

I won’t allow it. 

I will fight this with all I am, I will not see my little ones, my dear children and sweet innocent children sent further down this dark and horrid path we chose, we have done enough to them already, robbing them of their childhoods and making them into soldiers. 

I chose those who still had something in their eyes, that smallest hint of the child they had been and I nourished it. I gave back what I could to those little ones and now the world asks me to send them back into that darkness. Back into the wicked ways of the world outside our walls and let the so call ‘Super program’ make them better.

Strip them of their souls more like. I will not do it. I will not send my Unit to this place. I will not see my little ones robbed again. No Master will. We have lost the trust of our people, those who watched us take the homeless and orphaned from the streets and now hate us for what they are today. I remind them that in those dark times, they gave their own children to that same fate.

We have stolen so much from our children, our dear little ones who did not deserve it. And now we are asked to take more. We will not, even if it means we face Fire and ruin, I will see to it that the world knows our story.

I wrote it all down, and I sent it to the other Masters and this file, I send it to Winston, Overwatch Scientist and friend, and I left instructions in the diaries of my little ones, should any of them survive I pray the learn this truth.

In this file, whom ever has survived the worst the world could at you, I leave the truth. The facts about S.I.S, the names of those who involved in the creations of it and the people who wish to make all our children and people into hired killers, brainless, soulless and empty shells.

All my love and promises, Your Master.” 

Tears continued to spill down your face as you looked over the file, the delicate sweeps of the words that were so familiar, bluntly showing the truth behind the training, the mental strain that had twisted you and so many others so much, breaking almost all of you until there was nothing left and then, the mental imprinting on the Masters for survival.

It was all here. 

The signs treaties with other countries to allow those who sought safety to shelter in your walls, the signed agreement with the larger countries to allow other militant groups to work with your own.

And then, in the back of the file was the Master’s findings, details of a super program of sorts, proposed to make your people into the perfect soldiers, but this program was not from the USA, not like the programs that had made John ‘Jack’ Morrison, Gabriel Reyes and so many others ready for Overwatch.

This program was not funded by one government.

You read the contents of the Program and feel your stomach twist in horror. They would have injected you and other with some think they called ‘the liquid nectar’. Within hours, the mind would become numb, there would be nothing, no emotional response, no sign of recognition.

Blank minds. Easily controlled, easily replaced. Loyal even if abused or neglected. The effects were unchanged no matter the age. You read the words and slowly the truth seeps in, the tears drying and instead of sadness, you feel rage.

“You need structure, and I can give it to you… if you join me.” Reaper had said.  
“Je veillerai à ce que la petite fille est seule avant le printemps de la charge statique.” Widowmaker had said.

You clutch the papers tightly as you run back to the car as fast as your legs will take you, getting in and taking off so fast that the dust behind you looks like waves from the back of a speeding boat.

They were going to target Hana.

They were going to do to her what Talon had tried to do to Widowmaker, but so much worse… You had to go back, you had to get to Hana and warn her of the danger…

You have to get back!

“Head to Russia, they are heading for St. Petersburg.” A soft voice stated as you drove, you haven’t heard her voice in years but you know who she is.

“Stay with me Master? Until this is done?” you ask and a cold hand touches your face.

“Until this is done, my little one.” She assured.

You smile for just a second before changing gears for the last time and race towards the nearest city.

You will make sure your Master’s hard work is not wasted. But first you have to make sure Hana is safe, you can use the internet in the Airport to get in touch with her via her streams if you are quick, and possibly warn Zarya and Pharah to watch her as well.

But beyond that you can only pray that Hana is safe and that you get to St. Petersburg before Talon could set their trap…

“I don’t know if there is any higher power listening to me right now, but if you are; please… please don’t let her go on this mission... make her stay away… please!” you plead aloud as you race towards the horizon, seeing the lights of a city in the distance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> une perte - Little one.
> 
> Ne pas essayer et doux parler de moi, sorcière meurtrière. Je ne suis pas si facilement joué avec que vous pouvez penser. Je ne pourrai jamais rejoindre tous ceux qui pensent le lavage de cerveau fait un bon soldat. - Do not try and sweet talk me, murderous witch. I am not so easily toyed with as you may think. I will never join anyone who thinks brainwashing makes a good soldier.
> 
> Mais puisque tu ne vas pas en arrière, je veillerai à ce que la petite fille est seule avant le printemps de la charge statique. - You can no longer hide from your past, little lost one. But since you aren't going back, I shall make sure that the little girl is alone before I spring the Static Charge.


	6. Snows of Russia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> malen'kiy krolik - Little bunny.  
> petite fille - Little girl

Chapter six.

McCree had a terrible feeling in his gut. 

It had been there since their once resident S.I.S member had quit, her resignation clean cut and official on Winston’s computer, everything she’d been given neatly folded and packed into the box outside her room and the cell phone set neatly atop it.

Her departure had not had the effect Ana and Solider 76 had hoped for, nor the effect Mercy had expected.

Hana and Lucio refused to work with either of them, deliberately missing briefing and training to do their own thing while Zarya and Pharah spent their days running solo recons, Pharah refused to speak to her mother.

Winston was struggling to fill the now vacant hours of the day, the Junkers, Mei, Satya and McCree himself had taken to staying in their rooms, only coming to eat or meetings when they had too.

Genji, his older brother Hanzo, Zenyatta and Bastion were currently away on a mission of their own, and so, it was down to McCree, Hana, Lucio, Zarya, Junkrat and Roadhog to complete the latest mission in the cold snow and icy winds of Russia, St. Petersburg.

And that horrid feeling in McCree’s stomach was starting to get worse as they flew in and so he moved closer to Zarya so they could talk.

“You feel uneasy?” The pink haired woman asked as he sat next to her.

“Been that way since she left… but this feels worse… like we’re walking into something.” He admitted.

“We will have to watch the children.” Zarya said. “Russia is in the grip of bad storms. Cold will affect them more than us.” She added.

McCree nodded, pulling a heavy winter coat over his usual attire, knowing how cold it was gonna get he took two more coats and handed them to Lucio and Hana. “It’s gonna be bad out there, so wear them over your armour.” He said and smiled as Hana’s thin form was almost swallowed up by the coat.

“Do you think we’ll find her here?” Hana asked him quietly.

He sighed, knowing who she was and why Hana asked about her. The kid felt she owed the old S.I.S member her life after the Static Charge incident. 

“I’m not sure… she made sure to leave nothing for us to follow… but… maybe.” He said.

Hana nodded, hoping that she would have time to go looking after this mission, she owed the S.I.S a huge thank you for saving her life. She just hoped that this mission would be over soon, her mech had been outfitted with internal heaters but they weren’t always enough to stop ice forming on the delicate parts and that could lead to a malfunction. 

“We’re here.” Zarya said and lead the group off the transport and into the blustering winds of the storm.

~~~

Every road seemed to be closed. Storms blocked the roads with snow and black ice and every flight had been cancelled.

So you had taken everything out of the car that was yours, and traded it in to a dealer for cash, buying a heavy winter coat with some of it before using an abandoned building as a changing room, pulling on old armour that hadn’t been out of its bag for years into place on your body, dressed in your old S.I.S uniform.

A neck and back plate that held so many small dents and scuffs you knew by heart, the chest plate that held dozens more, plates and pads for your legs and arms, even for your feet and hands, a powerful energy pack that attached to your chest, powering the breathing appearance in your helmet and the vision visor of your helmet when you put it on.

You know you look like some kind of would be child hood hero from cartoons, but your armour is made of metal and not fabric so is far heavier and you had no fancy ability to summon a great mechanic animal or vehicals to fight in.

What you do have, is training and weapons, all you need is transport.

And you know just where to find it.

~~~

The mission had been called off by Winston, it seemed even Talon had sense not to go out in such a bad storm and so instead, Hana, Lucio and the Junkers were staying indoors, prepping for the time they could move out while Zarya and McCree kept watch outside.

Hana was in the hanger with her Mech, Athena’s connection to them was faded and static filled as she relayed information to Hana for her Mech’s calibrations in the cold, but Hana was able to get most of the delicate works covered in Anti-Freeze Gel to keep them from damage, and install a better targeting system. She knew her phone was getting messages from her streams, but she couldn’t read them due to bad connection.

Junkrat poked his head around the door as he carried in a large box of scrap metal. “Got any scrap? Roadie needs extra just to be sure.” He asked and Hana pointed to a neat pile of rusted and broken parts that she’d found and replaced in her mech. “Ta lass.” He smiled and quickly gathered the scrap up and headed out again.

The storm outside seemed to roar with renewed life suddenly and Hana shivered, pulling the coat tighter around herself and hoping this mission would be over quickly. She headed back inside and sat at the table with McCree and Lucio, taking a hot cup of coco for herself to help keep warm.

McCree didn’t like it, the weather was against them, the mission was delayed and apparently, Talon had gone to ground. 

Something was not right, his gut and his training in Blackwatch told him that.

Zarya had manually locked and bolded the doors and windows, and closed all the shutters to keep unwanted crosshairs off them and to give them more time to prepare in case of an attack.

But something still felt off.

“Hana.” He said and she looked up from her coco. “If you lose your mech today, don’t recall it and stay close to someone else. Something’s not right here and I don’t like it.”

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“Trust me,” McCree said, “My gut tells me something’s going down and it’s not the mission.” He adds. “If you lose your mech, stay close to someone and if Talon target you, run. Understand?”

Hana looked at him and slowly nodded.

“I’ll stay with her.” Lucio said. “I promise, I’ll look after her.” He added.

“Good lad.” McCree nodded.

~~~

Winston was unsettled, he was constantly moving in his seat, ignoring the peanut butter and Bananas beside him as he typed rapidly. 

Tracer was worried, her usual happy and bubbly nature dulled and gone as she paced back and forth swiftly, wringing her hands and rubbing her forehead. 

“What is the matter?” Ana asked at last.

“Something feels wrong. This whole mission stinks like a set up… there is nothing in Russia Talon would want, we made sure of that… why are they really there?” Tracer asked as she continued to pace, “What are they after?”

“I don’t know, but I’m not happy.” Winston said, “I’ve asked Reinhardt, Bastion, Zenyatta, Genji and Mercy to go after them.”

“Why? This isn’t a big mission.” Ana said.

“Something is wrong.” Pharah stated from her seat, searching the com channels. “The coms are jammed and it’s not from the storm.” 

“Text Genji and Hana.” Winston said, “Tell Genji to speed up and tell Hana she and her group are to await back up.”

“On it, Love.” Tracer said and rapidly tapped at her phone screen.

“Pharah, keep an eye on those comms and also see if you can get a lock on any kind of signal.” Winston added and Pharah nodded.

“Wait… I’m getting something.” Pharah said listening carefully. “Sounds like a tracker signal… heading from Russia towards the mission sight.” She said.

“Genji’s team?” Winston asked.

“I doubt it, he’s still an hour out.” Tracer said looking at eth messages on her phone.

“Then who is it?” Ana asked.

Pharah listened carefully, making a note on some paper before smiling. “I know who it is.”

~~~

The snow storm let up just a tiny bit, which is the say the wind speed dropped from 80mph to just under 80mph.

And you were gone before anyone could stop you, revving the enjoin of your new snow mobile and off into the snow you went, your mask lighting up to show you where you were going and allow you to breath easily in the deadly cold.

The snow in front of you was cut in half as you powered through it, moving with the mobile as it dipped and rose in the snow, cutting your way towards St. Petersburg and where you know Talon has set up from local gossip. 

You just had to get there.

You’d rigged a tracker in your armour, you know someone will pick it up on Overwatch and send back up for the team there. The more people turned up the less likely anyone would get a clean shot at Hana even with the Static Charge.

You force the snow mobile over another snow drift, knowing you have to get there quickly if you are going to stop Talon.

Your internal comm goes off and for a moment there is static until a clear and relived voice filtered over the comms. 

~ “Knew you’d come back love!” ~ Tracer says to you and you feel a smile tug your face. 

“Hana is Talon’s Target, they plan on turning her into a worse form of Widowmaker.” You tell her. “They’ve got another static charge device, she won’t last without her Mech even with help. Not in this weather.” 

~ “How can you be so sure?” ~ Ana asks, sounding unconvinced.

“Why don’t you ask your Commander about L.N Super Program before you question me, now piss off and let me work.” You snarl at her. “Winston you have to get Hana out now! If they get her she’ll never be the same!”

~ “We’ve already sent Genji, Bastion, Mercy, Zenyatta and Reinhardt after them, but they are still too far out,” ~ Tracer said. ~ “You’ll have to hold them off until they get there.” ~

You twist with the snow mobile as you hear a loud explosion ahead of you, somewhere in the snow and wind. “Sounds like I have no choice, tell Genji to move his ass.” You say and take off as fast as the snow mobile will take you.

“You have your mission, my little one.” You hear your Master’s voice again.

“Protect the target.” You answer without question. “Stop L.N Program.”

Her voice is calming, despite the dire situation you know you are heading too as she speaks again, this time her words are commands and you feel that familiar warmth wash over you, the Master’s command were law and you would obey them. “Complete this mission and end this nightmare. Now.”

“Yes Master.”

~~~

“Fuck!” McCree snarled ducking behind cover. “Damn it all.” He cursed as Junkrat dropped into cover next to him.

“Well this isn’t good!” the Junker stated, reloading his weapon. “Any ideas Cowboy?”

“How did they get in side?!” Lucio yelled over the gunshots, taking the chances to peek out and fire his weapon at them while Zarya, Hana and Roadhog covered the windows.

“A very big bomb by the hanger door!” Junkrat yelled back. “I heard the fuckers go off and hit the alarm.”

Hana yelped and ducked behind cover as her vantage point was peppered with bullets. Her mech had been in the hanger and she’d heard used her wrist controller to detonate it to try and buy them more time, and now, she was hoping beyond hope they could get out of this mess.

“How do we get out of this!?” Lucio asked, hunkering down to reload. “We have Talon on all sides and a very mad Widowmaker and Reaper somewhere out there!”

“Winston is sending Genji with backup! We just have to hold out until then!” McCree assured taking a chance and unloading Peacekeeper into the Agents down the hall. “We gotta move. Roadhog, up front with Zarya, Junkrat help me watch the rear, Hana stay in the middle and keep low!”

“Got it!”

“R.P.G!!!” Zarya yelled and threw herself over Hana’s smaller frame as the impact hit, making the world shake and rattle. Hana knew they were falling and she clung to the larger arms around her slim form, praying they landed on soft snow and Zarya didn’t suffer injury from this fall.

The snow wasn’t soft and Hana heard the painful snap behind her, though Zarya rolled and dragged her out of the sudden onslaught of bullets behind what remained of a wall. “Zarya!?”

“Run Hana!!” McCree yelled down. “Run now!!”

“But-”

“Do as he says, run as fast as you can get away from here, you aren’t safe.” Zarya hissed wrapping Hana in her coat. “Run malen'kiy krolik and don’t look back, Talon is after you.” She added gently ruffling Hana’s hair. “Run.”

“But… what about you!?” Hana asked.

“I will live. Now go!” Zarya commanded, heaving her weapon up. “I will cover you!”

Hana nodded and clutched her pistol as she raced into the snow, staggering and stumbling at first before finding her feet and moving as fast as they would carry her away from the bullets and gun fire.

She heard and felt the heat of some of Junkrat’s bombs following her, hearing the two Junkers follow her until she caught sight of the Rip tire blowing half a dozen or so Agents aside while McCree’s shots rang out like clear signals to where the Cowboy was, Hana ran away from them, she had to stay away from the fighting.

She headed towards the city. Remembering what McCree had said she knew she had to get to a place Talon couldn’t openly target her and that meant she’d have to get to the City. A bullet hut the snow inches behind her and Hana didn’t dare to look back, she knew if she did she’d fall and Widowmaker would have a better shot.

She kept running, panting and swallowing as much air as she could as she sprinted through the snow until a second shot cut into her coat and struck her arm and she fell face first into a snow drift her own momentum throwing her down a large snow drift.

“Hana?!” McCree heard the scream and turned, searching for Hana in the snow only to spot Widowmaker’s tell-tale purple outfit disappear down a snow bank. “Fuck! Where are the others?!” he snarled while shooting another agent.

“Run Lassie!!” Yelled Junkrat and shot as many bombs up as he could hoping he could hit Widowmaker and give Hana time to get away again.

Hana hissed and scrambled as fast as she could to get to the small cover of a small out building, clutching her arm tightly to try and slow the bleeding, tears in her eyes as she tried to back herself into the wall and hide from the Assassin she could hear walking in the snow.

“Come out, petite fille, I promise it will be painless.” Widowmaker chuckled. 

The assassin’s steps were getting closer now, so close Hana knew she had no way to escape.

Hana closed her eyes tightly, hoping that this was just a really bad dream, that she would wake up any time now and be the safety of her warm comfy bed with her alarm blaring at her and her phone buzzing with privet messages from her viewers.

It never came, and instead, Hana felt the barrel of a gun press against her temple.

~~~

Zarya saw you first, pulling Junkrat out of your way as you shot past ion the snow mobile, Roadhog’s shrapnel gun cutting down the agents that didn’t move in time while McCree directed you with a sharp hand movement towards the snow drifts.

You took off into the air, letting go of the handle of the snow mobile just as it passed over Widowmaker’s head.

You saw the yellow of her eyes filled with shock and rage before sudden fear as your fist met her nose with such force Widowmaker fell to the ground, dropping the Widow’s Kiss as she crumpled to the snow.

“You want her?” You ask as Reaper and two modified Bastion units arrived with more Talon Agents. “You go through me.”

You hear Hana half sob in relief behind you and without breaking eye contact with Reaper, you toss her a small ball like object from your belt. “Press the center and hold for two seconds, the shield is stronger than Reinhardt’s and lasts far longer.” You tell her. “Turn away from this.”

“Thank you.” She says and you hear the familiar hum of the shield deploy behind you before the Agents charge you.

You dodge and weave with easy, taking your weapons from their holders and use them without hesitation or pause, each opening you saw you placed a bullet or knife slice to, killing some Agents quickly while others died of blood loss from cuts to the vital blood vessels and arties until only Reaper remained.

You re-holster your gun and clean your knife on your arm before putting it away. “Face me like the solider you claimed to be, Gabriel Reyes. Or are you scared you will lose?” You ask, cracking your blood covered hands and rolling your shoulders. 

“You will pay for this interference,” Reaper growled and you heard the slight shift in snow behind you.

Widowmaker was waking, but you could also hear the echoing chain of bullets that could only be Bastion and the tiny spot of yellow overhead proved that Genji and his team had arrived.

“Bring it on, Traitor.” You stated and sweep your foot back and bring your hands up, using the knife to wave him closer. 

Angered, Reaper charges you without his shot guns, instead you resume the hand to hand combat you had started in Egypt, fists and feet colliding with bone shattering strength and force behind each strike as you danced around each other, hearing Widowmaker getting back to her feet behind you becomes only a minor distraction for half a second before a blast knocks her to the ground again.

“Malen'kiy!” Zarya yells.

“Get Hana!” You snarled smashing a heavy right hook into Reaper’s face before following through with a left upper cut and bringing your elbow down on his back, feeling the armour to his coat dent under the force.

“Reaper! We Fall Back!!” Widowmaker snarls from somewhere behind you and you hear the powerful engines of an air transport overhead. 

Reaper snarls takes on his misted form, passing right through you and heading towards Widowmaker under the fire from your team mates weapons, letting Widowmaker carry him out of their range with her grabbling hook. 

You watch them leave, until they are a dot on the far horizon before you let your eyes turn to Zarya-

And find yourself all but jumped on by Hana, sobbing and shaking as she clings tightly to you, babbling in her native tongue about how scare she had been, that she never wanted you to leave again and thanking you over and over for saving her yet again.

You don’t hush her, you know she is in no state of mind to be hushed for her tears, so instead you hold her the way your Master had often held you on those nights when the tears came without reason, one arm over her back the other gently petting her head as she cried. 

“Your task is complete, my little one.” You hear your master’s voice say as a soft warmth touches your forehead even though you are wearing your helmet still. “Let this be the last time you answer to the ways we forced upon you. Live as you wish to live and always remember that no matter where your life now takes you, I will be here when you need me. Always.”


	7. Gifts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you make gifts, burning and building bridges as you go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO Sorry this took so long guys! Life has been so hectic right now and I have been so busy I barely had time to sit and type, but things have cooled down now, so I can types more and here is the update for this story. 
> 
> I would also like to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who left such lovely comments on this work, it means a lot to know people like and enjoy my story and the feedback is so helpful! Thank you all so much!!!
> 
> anywho, please enjoy!!!

Chapter seven.

The return to Overwatch had been something of a mixed affair. Some showed genuine relief that you had returned, thanking you for the aid and the protection of Hana while others chose not to speak, be it from shame or from anger you didn’t care. 

You were free, Your Master had given you the verbal key to unlock the last of your heavy and rusted chains, those cold restraints that had locked you into the life of a solider could at last be removed. You thought such a day would be frightening, would make you unsure and reject the chance to leave the life you had.

But it hadn’t felt frightening, or even different at all, it feels like any normal day…

You sigh softly as you lean against the railing outside, listening to the crackling of the fire place inside and watching the large snowflakes fall down to the floor, enjoying the peace of the early morning in Russia, one hand holding a hoot cup of coco while a familiar yellow bird sits, fluffed up and hidden from the cold on your shoulder.

You can smell the smoke from McCree’s cigar, but you find you can’t bring yourself to tell him to put it out.

“I went home,” you tell him softly. “Saw the grave… I didn’t realize how much I missed them until I did.” You admit and look at the bird. “Do you think it silly?”

Ganymede makes a soft cheeping sound and rubs his head into your cheek.

“I think he means no.” McCree says.

“Maybe.” You say turning back to the snow outside. “But there are still questions I don’t have answers too and no one here will give them to me.” 

“You saved Hana.” He reminds, “If Ana and Jack can’t see past the S.I.S training after all that, then fuck ‘em.” He adds and you hear him pottering around the kitchen, a glance at the clock and you realize McCree is preparing to make breakfast. “Have you eaten?” he asks.

“No.” you say, “I got lost in thought.” You admit.

“Well, you have had a lot to think about.” He says. “What with the scandal you uncovered and the uncountable number of people’s lives you just saved.” 

Ah yes, that.

Zarya, Lucio, Hana, Pharah and Satya had publicly spoken about the L.N Program and the link it had to the destruction of your home and people and the response from the public and the governments had been instant and rapid, exposing further information about the program and what had become of it since the deaths of your people.

According to the U.S.A the program had been shut down after it had been linked to a mass killing by an anti-Omnic group who thought to blame the attack on the Omnics. Russia had turned its entire Army inside out searching for any trace of the program and found four small pockets of L.N operatives in their Black Ops, Air force, Intelligence and their front line soldiers, all had been discharged and sent to a medical centre to try and undo the effect of the program.

So far that was not yielding results.

The U.K reported two cases of L.N attempts on recruitment programs, but no confirmed cases in their armed forces.

When the governments had stated no one could have survived the destruction of your country, you had appeared publicly alongside everyone in Overwatch, allowed them to try and disprove your nationality only to have their tests and questions publicly proven to be wrong and while that had meant you were given many memorial medals and stars but you were now also getting an ungodly number of letters and e-mails requesting interviews about your home and the S.I.S.

You’d refused them all. You would not drag the people of your country from their graves just to show off in front of a camera, though you had answered many letters and e-mails from those few little armies that fought to keep their independence of the larger countries, they weren’t requesting your aid, if anything they were reaching out for someone who understood.

“Morning.” A sleepy Mei greeted as she came in, her little mech floating after her with a quiet bleeping.

“Mornin’.” McCree greets and you give a small nod as Mei settles in her chair at the table and rubbed her eyes. “Pancakes, omelettes, toast, hash browns, bake beans, bacon and some sausages.” He listed off. “Anything special you want for breakfast?”

“Um… No thank you, I’ll take pancakes with some sugar and honey.” She says.

“Pancakes with sugar and honey.” McCree smiled and nodded starting to heat some oil in two pans while placing two trays of hash browns into the oven to cook while he emptied two tins of beans into another pan.

“Breakfast at this early hour?” Hanzo asks as he and Genji arrive, closely followed by Zenyatta, Hana and Lucio, dressed in a large green frog onesie.

“Most of us are early rises.” McCree reminded with a smile. “Anything for you?” he asks.

You half listen, putting your coco down and gently petting Ganymede, smiling as the bird gently rubbed his head against your fingers. It had been a long week and while you felt lighter now you had been released from those old chains, you knew there were still trials and mountains to climb before you were truly free.

~~~

The fights with Solider 76 and Ana had become less frequent now, but they still happened and they would often end with Winston or McCree stepping in to break up the verbal arguments before blows were traded. 

Usually after such arguments, you went to vent in the shooting range or to spar with Zarya or Pharah, though today that was not an option as both were on a mission already, and so instead you had gone out to the city. It was not as busy and noisy as other cities, likely due to the cold weather, but the shops were stocked with many wonders and hidden gems, little trinkets that made something inside feel giddy as you browsed, carefully searching for what you might buy.

You had already bought some paints and brushes, and some fabrics, needles and threads, but you wanted something else, something everyone could enjoy in the base. You found them hidden away on the back of a shelf and after buying a few other things from the shop keeper as well, you headed to another shop and found the last item you needed before heading back to the base and returning to your room before you set about work.

You don’t know how long it’s been when someone knocks on the door. “Yes?” you ask carefully applying the smallest drop of glue to your work.

“You missed dinner.” Genji says through the door, “Is everything alright?”

“Yes, I just got caught up with something.” You admit, “You can come in.” You add, smiling at your work and placing it aside to dry a little as the door opened.

“Are those us?” Genji asks in amazement as he looks at the freshly painted Russian dolls made to represent each member of Overwatch, from himself and his dragon to Hana and her Mech, even Bastion and Ganymede say drying on a large laid out sheet of newspaper and there were a number of patch work squares you had knitted and laid out ready to sow together, decorated with the Overwatch emblem, their weapons and nation flags and their names.

“Yes,” you nod, taking a long drink of water.

“How long have you been working like this?” he asks, clearly impressed.

“Since this morning.” You explained while carefully taking the doll meant for Winston and carefully began to apply finer detail now that the first layer of paint was dry.

“Would you like me to bring you some food?” he asks.

“Yes please.” You say and hear him leave as you continue your work, carefully painting the whites of Winston’s eyes and the faint glint of his glasses, hearing the shuffling and movement outside your room as you work, adding fine details to each of the Russian dolls.

“Dinner.” Genji says as he returns, placing a tray own beside you and going back to looking over the things you had made. “You are very good with your hands.” He says.

“I think it’s from my parents… I remember a toy shop and, helping make things… but it’s a little fuzzy.” You admit setting the Russian dolls aside again before tucking into your food.

“Because of the training?” Genji asks and you nod. “Were you given a choice? I mean, when they found you, did they tell you what they would do?”

You nod, knowing there is someone else listening outside the door, but they aren’t there purposely, they had stumbled on to this conversation and you had no right to shoo them off, if they wished to know the truth, then let them hear it from you.

“I was eight when they brought me in, I think it had been a week since my parents had been killed in a bombing when soldiers found me and some others huddled by a fire, trying to stay warm in the snow, they brought us into a big transporter and fed us real food and gave us drinks of coco, a doctor made sure we were all ok and we were allowed to sleep in real beds again. That following morning a big man came in, broad shoulders, buzz cut hair, lots of meddles and one of those fancy handled canes.” You pause to take another forkful of food and a drink. 

“He told us that he and his soldiers were part of a group who wanted to train children to fight for them so that they could win the war to save our home. But it wouldn’t be like normal training, it would be harsher and we could die if we weren’t smart, took us into this big compound and showed us the things they were doing, showed us the other choices we had to be part of the training program and most of us signed up. Some of us didn’t, but they didn’t get thrown out of the compound, they were given little jobs like keeping the food going and making sure everyone was warm with the doctors.” You explain, “We were never forced to stay or leave, and no one made us sign the paper to say we were joining the program. It was our choice and with all we had been through, there was no point in trying to have a normal childhood anymore.”

“It still sounds harsh.” Genji says, “You were a child.”

“A child who had lost everything because someone in a big office thousands of miles away thought my people were a threat to them and we were not goin to fight back if someone dropped a big bomb on our heads.” You state. “I lost everything in that attack Genji; my mother, father, brother and sister, my grandparents, everyone in my family that meant something to me, died that day. The S.I.S gave me something to focus on, and it gave me the chance to go out on a field and protect the home and people that had survived…”

“But?” Genji asks after a short silence.

“But it changed nothing. That same person destroyed my home again. Killed everyone but me. I have lost everything twice Genji, and only recently has it been proven to the world that my people were innocent targets, and that the S.I.S was my people’s only answer to the death someone else brought to us.” You say, “All the years I spent wondering, no place in life or a home to call mine, and still, only in these last few days has anyone really looked and realized that my actions, my behaviour it is the result of the actions of someone I never met and yet their actions forced children to give up their child hoods.”

Genji is quiet and you can hear the second listener outside trying to shuffle away. 

“Would you change it?” Genji asks. “If you could go back and do it over I mean.”

You shake your head. “I would never change who am now. I couldn’t have lived any other way.” You answer honestly and you hear the second listener slipped away at last, though judging by the soft sigh Mercy was still going to try and pray history from you.

~~~

It was no surprise when Ana came to you later that day, scowling as she always seemed to do around you as you sow the patch work together while Ganymede ate some seed beside your work on the table.

The fact she came alone and armed kept you from relaxing any more than usual. 

“Why did you save her?” She asks glaring at you as you work.

“Are we really going to do this here?” You say, carefully threading the needle and thread through the patchwork, though you give her the answer. “I saved her because she is a child, one who still has the joys of childhood fresh in her mind, if I hadn’t saved her she would have been worse than Widowmaker. Is that how you wanted it to be?”

Ana doesn’t speak and you don’t turn to her, looking her in the eye will only give her further reason to stay and make pathetic attempts to bait you into attacking her. You finish one square and tie off the thread before cutting it and preparing to add another when the barrel of a gun is again pressed to your back.

“This again?” you ask as Ganymede flutters off, likely to find Bastion or someone else who could help. “Really Ana, this didn’t work last time.”

“Shut up.” Ana snarled. “I do not trust you, nor do I believe that you of all people saved Hana for any other reason than your own gain. So I will say this only once. Stay away from the child or I will personally see to it you join your Master and Unit.”

“You would be doing me a favour.” You tell her and smile. “Hello Genji.”

“Wha-Argh!” Ana hisses as someone pulls the gun from your back and the room floods with light.

Everyone but Solider 76 is there, some angry, others hurt and one furious glare settled on Ana while you remain silent, you’d heard them come in while Ana spoke and you know now that everyone will understand why you left before and why you still don’t spend any real time around them.

“I don’t need a baby sister.” Hana’s voice states, cold and hurt from what she had just witnessed. “And I do not need you or anyone else telling me who I can and cannot be friends with.”

You hear Ana trying and failing to explain herself, all the while being dragged off by Genji and Pharah, you huff softly and return to your work. “Happy now Winston?” you ask. “Or did Jack Morrison give you the old ‘traitors must be watched for’ speech to avoid brig time?” you add.

“They are both in the cells.” McCree sighs, “What now?” he asks.

“Leave them to sit and think, the rest of you go back to your day,” the ape states and you hear Bastion arrive in the room, bleeping and pinging in confusion.

“It’s ok Bastion, the drama’s over.” You tell him and he bleeps happily before settling down by the widow, where he could watch the birds outside.

Slowly the day rolls into the evening and you smile as Junkrat, having been bet by McCree he couldn’t, tried to beat Hana and Lucio at one of their games, Roadhog was sat in his large chair, reading through a book of some kind while McCree cooked the teams evening meal. 

You finish the sowing and smile, inspecting the work to make sure you hadn’t missed anything and neatly fold the new blanket up as McCree serves up the meal and Junkrat lost the game for the third time in a row.

“Get something to eat and try again later.” Tracer says as she and Zarya sit at the table to eat, you put away your needle and thread before joining them, smiling as Junkrat reluctantly agrees and hobbles over to the table.

You sit quietly while everyone else chatters, content to just listen while you enjoy the meal, you know it’s been a while since McCree smoked, you can still smell it, but not a strongly as usual. Lucio’s latest CD was due out soon and Hana had no less than five live steams coming up and she wanted Tracer or even Zarya to guest star in at least one of her streams.

“Are you happy?” Zarya asks quietly.

You smile and look towards the window where the last of the sun’s rays is fading away. “I am.”

“Will you stay?” she asks and you nod. “Thank you.”

“No,” you say, “Thank you, for not judging what I was.” You add and she smiles lightly patting your shoulder.

“You are who you are because you chose to be this way, not because someone in a large office told someone else to do this to you, you can be whomever you wish to be now. And even if that person takes a while to come out of the darkness, you are with friends now.” She states and you nod.

After the meal, you brought out the dolls you had painted and quietly slipped them towards their respective owners, waiting for them to notice while you give Bastion a small wooden carving of himself and little Ganymede.

“Hey looky this,” Lucio says and carefully lifts up his doll, “I got a mini me doll.”

“Me too!” Hana smiled and carefully opened her mech doll to find a smaller one of herself inside. “Awesome!”

“Hey Roadie looky this!” Junkrat cackled showing off his own doll. “Its us!” 

You smile and remain quiet while everyone inspects and compares their gifts, feeling the warmth of the room grow more as you place the patch work throw over a now sleeping Tracer.

“You made these?” Hanzo asks and you nod.

“My Unit had a doll for everyone in a cabinet in our base, a gift we made each other to celebrate our first Christmas as a free nation after the war. It seems right to makes new ones now.” You explain, “Though I will admit, it is hard to make dragons.” You add as Genji opens his doll and carefully lifts out the small green stuffed dragon. 

You can feel someone watching you, a heavy gaze filled with sadness and regret, it does not stay long and you feel the gaze leave you. You know who it is.

You still have one last bridge to cross…

Just not today.


	8. Starting again.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When all is said and done, all you can do is start again.

Chapter eight.

Days became weeks, weeks became months.

Slowly things started to get better, Ana and Jack still voiced their displeasure at your presence, but they dared not go any further, fearing the action may cost them their own membership of Overwatch. The L.N program had been almost completely removed from active services and was branded a slave program, punishable by life in prison. You were no longer doubted by Winston now and you have no further incidences of people putting guns to the back of your head.

There was still, however one person you had not spoken too.

You knew you would have to do it sooner or later, but it seemed that neither of you had found the moment to talk, be it your own daily tasks, or because McCree had apparently made it his mission to spend as much time with you as possible or even missions, you had not yet spoken to Reinhardt.

You knew McCree was trying to gain some kind of affection from you, he made that clear even with how subtle he was being, but it had been a very long time since anyone had shown such interest in you that wasn’t for personal gain that you found it difficult to return the affections. Thankfully, the Cowboy didn’t push for more than he got and for that you were grateful.

After another successful mission, you had settled outside in the warm sun of the mid-summer afternoon, enjoying a cool ice drink while Lucio, Hana, Tracer and Junkrat relaxing in and around the Pool, Winston helping McCree set up a nice picnic like dinner while Mercy applied Sun cream for Zarya. Mei was tucked away in the cool shade, reading a book while the rest of the team either sunbathed or helped with the large BBQ, Reinhardt had been silent as he sat on the sun chair next to you, you could see him trying to find something to say but unable to find something that wouldn’t offend you.

You sigh and set your drink down, “You are going to burn if you sit there too long.” You say.

The large man blinked. “I beg your pardon?” he asked.

“You’re shoulders and back aren’t covered in sun cream, you’ll burn.” You repeat and he rubs the back of his neck with a nervous chuckle.

“I cannot reach my back.” He stated.

You sit up and take out a bottle of high factor sun cream. “Hold still.” You say and he obeys, shivering slightly as the cool lotion touched his skin before you began to run it in, making sure the cover the whole of his back, neck and shoulders.

“I owe you an apology.” He says after a while.

“You owe me nothing.”

“I do.” He said, “I allowed my own quilt for failing to save my friends in that fire that I allowed Ana and Jack, those who should know better to target you unfairly. I did not see the trouble they were making until it was too late and then I allowed myself to be blind to your struggles to settle back into a life away from the S.I.S. If I had not been so blind, maybe you would not have been so unfairly treated.”

“You couldn’t have known what was happening,” You tell him, “I faced worse than words and guns to my back.” You assure him.

“Still.” He tries to say until you put your finger, covered in excess lotion on his nose, leaving a large white glob in its place.

“You owe me, nothing.” You repeat. “You stopped me going in to the fire to get my Master and the others, but at the same time you gave my Master the chance to speak even after her death through me. You helped her and in doing so helped me.”

“How?” he asked.

“If you had not stopped me, I would have died in that fire with them,” you say, “And I wouldn’t have been able to uncover the truth.” You tell him, “If anyone should be saying sorry, it’s me. For the way I behaved and the things I said to you.”

“You had your reasons.” The huge man said. “I know what it is like to watch your friends die and feel that you could have done more.”

“You’re friends are still alive.” You tell him.

“The feeling was still there… they may still be alive but I was sure they were dead, dead and gone forever.” He said. “To believe that for so long and then have them just turn up again. I was not sure if my age had finally caught up to me.”

“You aren’t that old, Reinhardt.” You tell him. “My father was ninety eight and he could still fight like a boxer.” You add finishing with the sun cream. “Done.”

Reinhardt chuckles. “Thank you.”

“Food!” McCree called.

 

~~~ six months later ~~~.~~~ six months later ~~~.~~~ six months later ~~~.~~~ six months later ~~~

 

Genji smiles as he watches you and Zenyatta replace a large chain link fence section around the chicken pen while he carefully laid new straw down in the hut for the chickens, currently they were huddled around Tracer who was carefully checking the chickens over and giving them some feed. Hana and Mei were covering the vegetable garden and securing any lose panels in the fences were fixed and stable to insure they survived the harsh winter to come.

“This should hold, at least while we are away.” Mei said while you were finishing up, and carefully shooed chickens back into the warm hut.

“Where are we going anyway?” Hana asked, “I mean I know you said the mountains but where about?”

“We are going to my home.” Zenyatta said. “There have been reports of a strange virus effecting my fellow monks and it is very troubling.” 

“McCree is already on his way over there, but so far he can’t find anything about it.” Genji added. “he does like the food though.” He adds.

You smile, “When do we leave?” you asks.

“As soon as we finish with the garden.” Zenyatta tells you, “Hanzo has agreed to keep the garden for us while we are away.”

~~~

The flight to the Temple was long, but it gave you time to read a new series of books you had found. Your Master had the same books but you had never had the time to read them yourself and now you had the time and the freedom to enjoy it, you had hunted it down and began to read.

The landing had been unpleasant, high winds made the usually steady transport shake and sway as it tried to land, but once down, everyone had wrapped up in the warmest winter coats and followed Zenyatta and Genji into the temple.

McCree was wait, with a tray of warm coco and food. “Safe flight?” he asks.

“Long but safe.” Genji nodded. “Any news?” he asks.

“Two more cases, but I’ve been unable to find any way this Virus is getting into their systems, I’ve had Athena check their tech and there is nothing new in the Temple and no signs or traces of a wireless connection.” McCree says, “I’m at a loss for how it’s getting around.”

You look around, noticing the lack of Monks and the lack of any sounds.

“I will assist my brothers and see if I can help in anyway.” Zenyatta said. “I am sure Genji can show you to your rooms.”

“Do you mind if I look around first?” You ask, “I want to get a feel for the place.”

“Not at all. Just be careful outside, the snow can hide ice patches.” Zenyatta warns before you are left alone.

You start inside walking softly so as not to disturb the Monks who were gathered for prayer as you look around the building and architect, searching for anything that looks out of place or odd for a temple that was home to Omnic Monks. Candle lit halls, old cracked stones, old dusty cobwebs and nests for birds that visited in the spring time long ago, shrines for reembrace for their late leader, filling the temple with a warm and homely scent you have known Zenyatta to use.

You stop at the feet of the statue of Tekhartha Mondatta, the floor by it covered in flowers and small trinkets from many who adored the late Omnic, incest sticks burning slowly and countless tea tree light candles light by his endless followers. 

You’ve seen this image before. The perfect scene of peace and tranquillity, the image of an Omnic whose words and gestures beyond anyone’s wildest dreams.

But something isn’t right.

Something about the statue is wrong.

“A brave soul.” 

You turn at the voice and watch one of the other Monks approach, five small circles on his forehead as he walked to stand beside you. 

“Some would say fearlessly brave, for all he did.” You say looking back to the statue, “but then again, give what he represented I doubt he was truly fearless.” 

“You are a doubter?” the Monk asked.

“No, I supported the Omnic/Human relationships, I knew many people who were happy with their chosen partner, but I’m not blind to hate some people still have.” You tell him.

“Then you are here to help us?” 

“If we can.” You nod, “But I’m not sure if I am right when I say something about Mondatta’s face on this statue is different to his real face.”

“Something different?” the Monk echoed and looked at the stone face, “What do you mean?”

“I remember his pictures, the times he was on TV… I could be wrong but, the centre circle on his forehead looks bigger than the rest, before it was the same size.” You explain and the Monk studies the face and then looks at a picture of the late Omnic.

“I think you are right.” He said, “I will call the others.”

You nod and watch him leave while continuing to look at the statue, looking into the camera you are sure is there. Whoever had done this would be found and you would make sure they were dealt with.

No one would tarnish the name of an Omnic who had worked hard for his people so long as you lived.

“How did we not see this?” Zenyatta asked as he arrived.

“Because it’s not obvious.” You tell him, gently putting a hand to his shoulder, “I didn’t think I was right until the very end.”

“Thank you, for helping us.” He says.

It was late that night when you and Genji were done carefully removing the camera, wireless transmitter and corrupted signal it was broadcasting from the statue of Mondatta they were currently in a box, o the way back to Winston while Athena broadcast a clean signal and helped sooth the Virus program away.

“Seems Talon is stooping to a new low.” McCree says as he stands with you.

“You expected them not too?” You ask. “They targeted a child for their plans, kill innocent people just to get at us and they think that they have total control over everyone. They’ll stop at nothing.”

“I know, but this?” he says. “This is just wrong. Using a statue of Mondatta to get the Monks sick that’s just wrong.”

You nod, it is wrong, but you are facing Talon, a known terrorist group who had vowed to end all Omnics and put an end to the Heroes forever.

“What’s the plan?” he asks.

“Besides finding the one who made that device so I can tear them limb from limb?” you ask giving him a ‘are you seriously asking me that?’ “We do what we always do, go in head first, guns blazing and pray now one on our side is killed while we are at it.” 

McCree smiles and after a few seconds later you feel his hand near yours. Slowly you feel his fingers slip around yours, just a gentle and soft touch that you can pull away from if you want too.

You don’t. 

It has been a long time since anyone held your hand, even longer since you allowed them too and it was nice to know someone was willing to try and stay close to you, even with how rude and awful you had been to him at the start. True emotions were still new and it was frightening to you that you’d have to learn them, but if you had someone with you who could help, as McCree so often promised he would be, it wouldn’t be a lonely path.

That thought was nice, that you won’t be going through this new change alone.

End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of this part of the story anyways :P Yes I am evil and yes I know I owe you guys some Jesse/reader lovin’ but that will have to wait.
> 
> I will get to that in the next part of the story, I promise, so please be patient and please give me feedback and any corrections to the languages used, Google translate is not so good. 
> 
> Thank you all for sticking with this story for so long and enjoying it ^^ 
> 
>  
> 
> Bye now!
> 
> Lady Fenikkusu out!


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